Share Your Instructors’ Witticisms

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2015 in Lit Hum

Today is the first day of classes and of Columbia’s unofficial two weeks of “shopping.” Accordingly, professors tend to bust out some of their best material in order to sell you the idea that the whole class will be entertaining/worth it/whatever you’re looking for. Sometimes it will be, and sometimes today is simply a masterful bait-and-switch. Either way, we love to hear about our faculty’s sharper moments, so send them to [email protected] or share them in the comments.

Image via Wikimedia Commons

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  1. Anonymous  

    Lit Texts & Critical Methods (Erik Gray), moment of genius:

    "Have you ever noticed how people pretend to eat babies?"

  2. First words of brian greene's QM II

    any questions?

  3. Anonymous  

    "Last semester, I taught in Frontiers of Science. In it, I showed 550 students nude pictures. I suspect that is the reason alot of you are here. Needless to say, I won't be showing any nude pictures in Physics." ~Professor Hughes in Intro to Electricity and Magnetism

  4. Professor Trump

    "I'm a hawk times five."

  5. Arvind Narayanaswamy  

    On how a cold window can cause a draft without letting air through due to convection:
    "...spooky....it could be the basis of some crappy nickelodeon show"

  6. Anonymous

    Student/Professor interaction, beginning of lecture:

    Prof: "Most of you know each other and all of you were in my class last semester, I think."
    *Scans room of ten students*
    *Points to one*
    Prof: "Except for you. Were you in my class last semester?"
    Student: "Yup, I was."
    Prof: "Did you go to class last semester?"
    Student: "Nope."
    Prof: "Well, that was a popular option."

  7. Dorothy Ko  

    In Fashion history seminar, on doing a creative final project: "Research papers are so 19th century."

  8. Michael Thaddeus  

    On Spivak's book Calculus on Manifolds: "It's like a book of poetry; every line is crucial...it's a very tightly constructed contraption."

  9. Art Hum

    Student: "How early on saturday mornings are the museum visits?"
    William Gassaway: "Not early enough to make your hangover a problem."

  10. Anonymous  

    ‎"This course is challenging and wouldn't be taught at, say, Mississippi State Community College... or NYU."~Adam Cannon, Intro to Java

  11. Anonymous  

    Adam Connon in COMS 1004.

    "This course wouldn't work at Mississippi state community college… or… say… NYU"

  12. Anonymous  

    "Don't quote me on bwog"-dawn strickland

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