CATpion Contest Round 3: Animal Cunning

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We were delighted to find more demonstration of wit on the last caption contest’s round of comments. However, only one Columbian can be the wittiest of them all: with 45 up votes and one jealousy-inspired dislike, Anonymous #1’s “Tweets, by Dr. Jay.” Congratulations, Anonymous, you are indeed superior.

But we know you all can do better than that. There are endless layers of obscure references, cheap puns, and inappropriate interpretations to explore! We’ll just keep giving out the ambiguous animal pictures, and you can keep using this to procrastinate on your paper. Be clever!

Felines with podium

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  1. Anonymous  

    i thought it said "animal cumming" at first

  2. archilochus  

    ideas I was unable to articulate in joke form:

    - earning a PhD turns cats into humans, who attempt to retain a shred of felinity through use of cat prosthetics. it's extremely impolite to bring this up with unemployed PhDs, who can't get cat jobs because humans are, relatively speaking, terrible at catching mice.

    - when hamilton locks down for the night, the professors all turn into cats, who then attend secret midnight cat colloquia. this month's topic is "reading T.S. Eliot's "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats" as modernist ethnography". they are running out of topics to discuss because there are fewer depictions of cats in literature than you would expect, and this Eliot one has been DONE TO DEATH, and new readings of these texts isn't adding anything to the field. no one in the department is willing to bring this up. academic politics are killing the liberal arts.

    - Susan Sarandon celebrated her 65th birthday last year by reading her unpublished memoirs to her collection of stuffed animals, all of which are cats. she stole the podium from a high school debate tournament, where she judged all of her rounds on the basis of which team had the cheaper shoes. she considers herself a crusader of the lower classes.

  3. Anonymous  

    these are super dumb why would you up vote them

  4. Anonymous0  

    meow meow meow meow
    meow meow meow meow
    meow meow
    meow meow
    meow meow meow meow

  5. anti-canine cunning-linguist

    Introducing her husband to some constituents, she hopes to become the First Cat Lady of the Internetz

  6. Is her name Cat-herine?

    She speaks Catalan pretty well.

  7. person

    Christ, what an asshole.

  8. me

    While some of you may think I'm just another liberal looking to appease her human guilt...

  9. I don't have a contribution


  10. CatJesus says

    Blessed are thr purr in heart, for they shall see Catnip

  11. Anonymous  

    And I therefore propose that we break into the Pentagon and flush all 760 toilets simultaneously thus wreaking havoc upon the american military complex and leaving their plumbing 'higgledy-piggledy.'

  12. felinsane  

    The Pussy Monologues

  13. Maybe this is a stretch, but...  

    Hoping to reach the house cat demographic, Mitt Romney retells the family dog story to the only crowd that will listen. (See: How Romney won the Maine caucuses)

  14. Anonymous  

    "Fellow citizens, this, *this* is what happens when you allow pythons to swallow oddly firm pillow cases"

  15. Anonymous  

    Fellow cats, it is true that I have been transformed into a human, but at the terrible cost of horribly disfiguring myself. While I may look somewhat human when facing you at this angle, I must warn you that the left half of my face looks more grotesque than the face of an anecephalic newborn.

  16. cat lady  

    what society thinks i do

    what my neighbors think i do

    what i actually do

  17. Anonymous  

    These are obviously kneazles...

  18. forgive me

    "If Ursula Burns spoke at Barnard Commencement"

  19. "strong, beautiful, meow."  

    DSpar commencing her pussies.

  20. major fuzz kill  

    ...and I hereby proclaim, due to egregious distribution of catnip and powdered milk, that the housing privileges of the fraternities KAT and ∏∑Y are revoked indefinitely...

  21. Lady  


  22. person

    I know you've heard that the NYPD has been sending undercover humans to infiltrate feline organizations, and I'm just as offended as you are, but we shouldn't point fingers until we know all the facts.

  23. ...  

    writing and commenting on the internet is like lecturing to a room full of cats. expect nothing in response but hisses, growls and the occasional silent pitter-patter of tiny paws in tapping in agreement and disagreement.

  24. Anonymous

    "Yeah, I think the do-up with the whiskers is weird too, but you should see how much pussy Prez Bo gets at those lectures"

  25. prezmeow

    If PrezMeow talked about affirmative action, what would the students be called? Meow-mix

  26. Anonymous  

    "...they think they can REPLACE US... they think they can save money by using DRAWINGS or by RECYCLING past images. you know where it will get them? NOWHERE. you know... i have a story for you, there are some kids that run a popular blog at columbia university, they floated three images out to their community to solicit funny captions. but you know what happened? not only were the images boring, the captions they received weren't funny either... it was just a giant waste of time that nobody really paid any attention to... friends, i can assure you, our jobs are safe... WE WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED"

    --at the ninth annual meeting of IMAGA - Internet Meme Actors Guild of America

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