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Senior Wisdom: Andrew Kisch

Name, Hometown, School, Major: Andrew Kisch, New York City, SEAS, Computer Science

Claim to Fame? I was on GSElevator Twitter , I’m the reason Rite Aid cards you, I’ve never had a housing lottery number over 500, and I was the guy in the Knicks jersey standing on the garbage can in all of your Snoop-Bacchanal pictures.

Where are you going? See the above Twitter.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

  1. Columbia housing is proof of Murphy’s Law. Given enough time, anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and Columbia will tell you “it’s not that serious” and they’ll “fix it over the summer”.
  2. Nobody cares how smart you are if you have a bad work ethic. Learning how to work is more important than anything else you will learn in your time here.
  3. If you go to M2M right at midnight and ask nicely for sushi, they’ll probably give it to you for free (they have to throw it out anyway).

“Back in my day…” I have to defer to the wise words of my father (CC ’52): [in response to whether beer pong had been invented yet when he was at Columbia] “Back in my day, we didn’t play with our beer. We just drank it.”

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: I have an app in the iPhone app store called Arrow’d.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? This question has always bothered me. Nothing is preventing you from day drinking with friends or even throwing keggers (tip: rent a blue bin from Hartley and cover it with towels). Some of the best “memories” you will make in college will be from when your brain has stopped making memories. Also, you live in arguably the most exciting city in the world with the greatest in culture, nightlife and entertainment. If you can’t find a way to have fun here, then you probably should have gone to a school with other not fun people (like UChicago, Yale or NYU).

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Westside only lets you sample the latter (although you used to be able to sample the former at Campo).

Advice for the class of 2016:

  • All of your sexually repressed prayers will be answered during NSOP week.
  • Surround yourself with people who are smarter, funnier, cooler or otherwise better than you. If you hang around them long enough, some of it is bound to rub off on you.
  • Don’t get a crappy fake ID (or any fake ID at all because that’s illegal?) Nobody thinks you’re from Maine, and contrary to popular belief, no state ID has a hologram that says “Genuine Authentic Secure Valid”.
  • Take classes from lots of different majors. As a computer science major, my two favorite classes and the two classes that pushed me more than any other were a music class and a dance class (seriously).
  • If you’re too lazy to go to the package center, order things to your roommates’ mailboxes and don’t tell them (remember to thank them when they come back, confused, with your stuff).
  • When your suite gets too messy, start your own fraternity, design awesome lacrosse pinnies, and convince freshmen that you’re cool enough to justify them cleaning up your mess.

Any regrets? Lots, although few still seem significant (like those three points my TA took off on an exam that I thought was going to ruin my life at the time). Regrets are awesome. You’ll never discover your potential until you are denied something you want. You got here because you are smart and capable (and bold and beautiful). Never let anybody stop you. I love you all. Thank you for a wonderful four years.


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  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous woo seas . only hard for non-comp sci [read: econ] majors to get a job at goldman.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous You rock my world Kisch!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Kisch you are as always hysterical and amazing!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Dude loved to wack off to his shitty dismissive jokes about the occupy wall street protests

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous This is a great senior wisdom! Cool app btw

  • Nina Roocha says:

    @Nina Roocha They should have a statue in front of Lowe dedicated to this Kid, truly one of the nicest and most charming guys I’ve ever met

  • Luiza says:

    @Luiza Agreed. Just overall great guy

  • CC '52??!! says:

    @CC '52??!! Holy shit your dad is old! Was it still called Kings’ College back in his day?

  • Daniele 1 says:

    @Daniele 1 Love this guy. We had some special moments over the years. I’ll miss you!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Andrew you are awesome! Wish you the best of luck in the world, buddy boy!

  • why says:

    @why is nobody commenting on the fact that he’s Computer Science, doesn’t look or act like a geek, and that he seems good looking?

    i dont understand. what’s with all these stereotypes about CS guys being ugly/geeky? not fair.

    – fellow good lookin’ CS guy, ’12/

  • rossy2424 says:

    @rossy2424 Only thing missing from this is his guacamole recipe-best ever.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I gotta say, this one made me tear up. Had some amazing memories with this kid. In my power-rankings for the most fun people I know, he is number one (and probably will stay there at least as long as Bonds’ homerun record stands). My advice? follow his words. “Put your faith in the wise and they shall lead thee down ripe paths that run twixt fields of gold” (John 3:24). Here’s to wishing all the best to a phenomenal kid who would wake up at 5 am just to wake up his friend who actually needed to be up to finish a paper before going back to sleep himself. May there be many more Andrew Kischs that enter this world. Surely the world would be the better for it. And let us respond, Amen.

  • Since you're probably reading this says:

    @Since you're probably reading this You’re still running gnuchess on gatto. Please kill that shit.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Did you see those eyebrows before you made this post? Um, not good looking at all.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous stud muffin

  • SEAS '12 says:

    @SEAS '12 Why did I never meet you during our 4 years here?

    Will you marry me??

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Is being on gselevator really something to brag about? It’s sort of sad…

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