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Senior Wisdom: Shira Borzak

Name, Hometown, School, Major: Shira Borzak, Boca Raton, FL, Barnard College, History

Claim to Fame? At one point, I probably tried to pick a fight with your student group as the Spectator Associate Editor in charge of letters to the editor, or as a member of the Spec Editorial Board, wrote a scathing op-ed totally unrelated to your life. But most proudly, I am one of the founding members of the Tina Fey for 2012 Facebook group. Best fail ever, ladies.

Where are you going? Leaving Broadway for the brave new world of… Amsterdam Avenue. Columbia Law School, so if you’re lucky, maybe you can spot me crying quietly in the corner of the law library on your way to EC for another carefree night of undergraduate bliss.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

  1. People take subject lines in emails way seriously. I have spent less time on papers than some of my friends have spent on subject lines. Oh, and apparently “best” is the way we are all supposed to sign our emails in college.
  2. If you look in the right places, there is a lot of money for students to do what they want. Barnard internship and research grants sent me to locations both exotic (a summer in Budapest, where I failed to learn that matching my Eastern European friends shot for shot would end poorly) and not so exotic (National Archives II in College Park, Maryland).
  3. The 5 S’s of medieval siege warfare: Sapping, starving, stoning, spying, and storming.

“Back in my day…” We had two gym requirements, and students weren’t forced to pay full time fees for part time enrolment. But now we have community, so, thanks Barnard.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: I heard Meryl Streep at my older sister’s Barnard graduation. I get Obama. Jesus or Blue Ivy Carter will address my little sister’s Barnard graduation in 2015.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? Looking back, I most definitely deserved to get CAVAed multiple times but somehow snuck by. God or whatever was looking out for me on Purim and Simchat Torah.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’m a connoisseur of all cheesy snacks available in Morningside Heights, so I think I’m going to stick with my tried and true love: Utz sour cream and cheddar potato chips.

Advice for the class of 2016:

  • Get a long extension cord for your laptop charger. I have wasted hours of my life searching for an outlet, mostly on the second floor of Diana.
  • Just because all of your friends have some sort of leadership title before their name doesn’t mean you have to. However, feel free to use your student-leader friends to get free swag and cut lines—thanks guys!
  • You have a lot of work. I have a lot of work. We all have a lot of work. Now stop talking about it.
  • This lesson unfortunately took me too long to learn, but people want to be your friend, or at the very least, a casual acquaintance. Your religion, dress code, dietary restrictions, major, school, year, hometown, don’t define you as much as you think they might. You might see yourself as the token Barnard girl/non-major/Orthodox Jew/underclassman, but people will (usually) see you as just a person.

Any regrets? Too many to count. Not taking more diverse classes, not opening myself up to friendships with other students, not seeing more campus shows, letting Morton Williams win, not getting a picture with Sarah Jessica Parker in Liz’s Place, not being Millie. But mostly the Millie one.

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26 Comments

  • Abe says:

    @Abe Shira is funny as tits

  • CLASSIC says:

    @CLASSIC TALYA

  • Spec Love says:

    @Spec Love SHORZZ!!!!!!!!!! I’M SHEPPING!!!!!!!!

  • CC 12 says:

    @CC 12 Shira is a wonderful person. Enjoyed our time on the E Board of Spec together! And those dining edits!

  • Tyrion Lannister says:

    @Tyrion Lannister A Lannister always pays his debts…. still owe you from sophomore year ;)

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I hear her roommate in bedroom 1 is hot!

  • maddie says:

    @maddie YOU GO GIRL!!!

    All my love
    m

  • BC '13 says:

    @BC '13 The 5 S’s of medieval siege warfare: $apping, $tarving, $toning, $pying, and $torming.

    YOU SOUND LIKE A BO$$

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I hear her roommate is hot!!!

  • Katerina Marteeen says:

    @Katerina Marteeen Shira, I have heard personally from Vladimir Putin that he is deeply impressed by your impact on this campus. I anticipate I will be hearing similar things from Kruschev soon. Well done.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous SHE IS AMAZINGGGGG! BEST PERSON ON CAMPUS!!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I hear her younger sister is really hot.

  • abweins says:

    @abweins Calling Shorzo anything but wise after this is like saying she doesn’t like Mean Girls: impossible.

    “He doesn’t even go here.”

  • Borzak Love says:

    @Borzak Love I hear her youngest sister is the hottest

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous her younger sister is fourteen. creep.

  • Hyphen says:

    @Hyphen Way to rep BP/ E.Europe. Szeretlek!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Haterz gonna hate

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Shira is by far the hottest in the duplex- way better than talya

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Whoever wrote this has clearly never met Talya

  • RRA says:

    @RRA SHIRA! So happy you’re not leaving! :)

  • this is a life or death question says:

    @this is a life or death question WHERE DO YOU GET UTZ POTATO CHIPS IN MORNINGSIDE!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous appletree dude

  • Ferrari says:

    @Ferrari Shira, you beautiful woman, I love your back in my day, your war on fun answer, and your advice about student leaders because you are the kind of leader I wish I was myself: bold, inquisitive, and honest.

    dont mean to be sappy, just, you nailed this. RIP EPTF

  • never says:

    @never seen this heaux in my life. boring.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous SHE GOT INTO SPEARS THE MUSICAL. SHE MUST BE AMAZING. If only I got to know her during college…in the orthodox Jewish biblical sense.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Shakira, Shakira!

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