Bwog is here to help

The roommate relationship is a complex, multifaceted phenomenon. You love or hate each other (or both in the same week), listen to each other’s drunken snoring, see each other on your worst hair days, and awkwardly meet each other’s parents— this may be the most important connection of your undergraduate career. Despite the great depth and significance of your cohabitation, sometimes you reaaalllyyy need the room to yourself. This is where the delicate art of sexiling comes into play. Bwog has a few helpful hints:

Create a diversion:

• Develop a scavenger hunt to help them explore the five boroughs. (or pay someone to develop one for $12)
• Throw a dinner party in their honor somewhere else.
• Order an entire Koronets pizza and challenge them to finish it before they come home.
• Buy them a cool new tent to test out on the lawn.
• Rent or buy an irresistible bounce house to place on Low Plaza.

It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission:

• Put their favorite candy in the sock.
• Make a used condom wrapper wreath to greet them on their return.
• Treat them to a delicious fish dinner to apologize.

Drastic Measures:

• File a formal space request through Columbia University Event Management.
• Gas the room with Axe body spray (Bonus: ladies love it).
• Hack your door via MIT.

 Wrong body parts via Shutterstock