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The Other Milano

Ready for her close-up

When Bwog found out there was another Milano Market in the city, we dropped everything (read: skipped our pass/fail class) to launch a full-blown investigation. In case you ever get excommunicated from the Upper West Side location for stepping on the cat’s tail or decide to transfer to Hunter College, here’s everything you need to know about Milano East. Sandwich Savants Colin Stokes and Ella Quittner report from the scene…

Decor

The other Milano is predictably fancy. We approached the market in the midst of a rainfall, and it was a little bit like that scene in The Notebook, if we were Rachel McAdams and Milano was Ryan Gosling, minus all of the birds. There is a big flower section on one side that is conspicuously missing from the UWS location.

The ceilings in Milano East are literally gilded (!!!), which was very ornate. There is a giant wall of olive oil choices, and two TVs that were playing Food Network.

H17 Comparison

We knew we had to try the iconic H(ot)17 sandwich—the one that facilitates the laziness required for a successful hangover day—and immediately grabbed a menu to double check that no modifications had been made to our soon-to-be food baby. To our astonishment, the breaded chicken cutlet beauty was the same in terms of ingredients, but had been bumped up to “H18” by the inclusion of an “H” meatloaf in the menu.

Notably, the H18 sandwich was served on semolina bread, as opposed to the ciabatta we’re accustomed to over here. The semolina brought out the underlying sweetness of the creation, and the chicken’s juiciness was nicely complemented by the crustiness of the unorthodox.

Giant Salami


Menu & Food

The prepared food looked extremely appetizing. Loath as we are to blaspheme against the West Side, all of the East Side food looked even better than the West Side. However, we can’t be sure if we were suffering from some kind of green grass syndrome that we caught crossing Central Park.

Lack of Cat 

Milanocellaneous

If you’re trying to buy fancy beer (or FourLoko) to combat the crassness of Morton Williams East’s “warm beer” specials, you’ll have to look elsewhere—Milano East doesn’t sell alcohol. However, if you’re looking to buy penis shaped lollipops to satiate your sexual sweet tooth, there is a Ricky’s East right down the block.

 

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6 Comments

  • Anon says:

    @Anon “literally gilded (!!!), which was very ornate”

    Strunk & White are rolling in their graves.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Is there some kind of sacrificial offering I can make to tease an appearance out of the Milano cat? I’ve been trying to spot the thing for years.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous take half of your sandwich and scatter the ingredients on the floor in front of the cash register. worked for me

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous I was hoping more for something like tears of a virgin? Those sandwiches are expensive.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous This is pretty suit

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