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Online Dating Hits The Road

Illustrations by JiYoon Han, CC ’13

The winter issue of The Blue & White hits campus next Monday. To satisfy your cravings, here’s a piece by Will Holt that explores a new collegiate phenomenon.

During the first few weeks of the semester, passersby on Broadway may have noticed something peculiar parked outside the Barnard gates: a banged-up, magenta RV with the web address “” painted in black and blue along its front and sides.

For the duration of its stay in Morningside Heights, the RV’s purpose went unannounced. In fact, the only hint at its mysterious presence on Broadway was the promise written on the side of the RV of “safe, anonymous, exclusive dating,” suggesting to bystanders conjugal visits in the back—which isn’t exactly inviting. (One imagines the interior to be akin to the VW bus on the floor of which you probably would have lost your virginity if you’d matured in 1975, or possibly a set piece from The Hills Have Eyes.) But before I could get inside and confirm my suspicions, the RV vanished. I immediately resorted to my fool-proof Plan B—email—and nervously solicited DateMySchool’s PR apparatus.

In early October, I received the following from one Melanie Wallner, director of public relations at DateMySchool: “As part of our national college tour, we’ve been taking [the RV] on the road to host parking parties at lots of college campuses, where we play music and give out freebies. Tomorrow it’ll be making its way back to NY from Philadelphia, so you should expect to see it again soon. :)”

Just a few days later, the RV trundled up to the sidewalk outside HamDel. This was it. I sat down in the back of the RV with Wallner, curious about these “parking parties” and what exactly she had meant by “freebies.”

The RV’s interior lights had been broken for a while, and since dusk was coming on fast, we spoke in the hush of semi-darkness. Wallner, snug in a black shawl that seemed to swallow her whole, fielded my questions from behind a Formica table. Sensing skepticism, she was quick to qualify her obvious enthusiasm for the company.

“You have to understand that when I was at NYU, I was directing my own plays,” she said, “I was all about the human connection, so I was like, ‘Fuck the Internet!’”

Still, after hearing about from her mother, Wallner decided to try online dating: “I tried it out and it was so fast, so efficient, and I felt totally safe.”

Words like “efficiency” are often tossed around in discussions about DateMySchool. Started by Columbia Business School alumni Balazs Alexa (’11) and Jean Meyer (’11), the company’s website provides a means of streamlining the online dating experience for college students by limiting profile access to select university email addresses. Alexa and Meyer initially envisioned DateMySchool as a place for the professionally-ambitious to find love, with an eye toward grad students in particular (interestingly, 50 percent of Columbia undergrads on DateMySchool target Columbia graduate students specifically, while only 21 percent of graduates are looking for undergrads).

DateMySchool has been using the RV to raise awareness at various college campuses between Boston and Philadelphia. And while this may not sound like the ambitious “national college tour” that Wallner described to me via email, the company has been rapidly expanding online. As of early October, the website boasted 125,000 users and 1,384 four-year colleges in the United States alone.

Wallner, who “basically studied sex” at NYU’s Gallatin School of Individualized Study, is a true believer in the website’s promise of “Fast, Exclusive, Anonymous” dating. She had her first date through DateMySchool with a CBS student.

“When I asked him what he was doing,” Wallner recounted, “he said he was getting involved with DateMySchool. I thought, Hey, what a great idea!”

Wallner used that CBS student as a reference when she first reached out to DateMySchool in search of employment. After relentlessly (and fruitlessly, at first) marketing herself to the company’s founders, she broke into the business. According to Wallner, Alexa justified his decision to take her because, well, she’s a Double X: “There always needs to be a woman in business. And I think you are a woman.”

The website’s founders have a knack for the weird, obscure, and philosophical. In a February 2011 New York Times profile, Meyer reflected on the paradoxical impossibility of romance in an age of unprecedented connectivity: “People in the 21st Century are alone,” he told Times reporter Hannah Miet. “We have so many new ways of communicating, and yet we are alone.”

Philosophical questions of modern romance aside, DateMySchool has shown great practicality and resourcefulness in its outreach. In Chicago and Miami the company has recently teamed up with an ice cream truck company to make their message mobile. College students in those cities will soon be inundated with DateMySchool pens, door hangers, tote bags and Solo cups—“Tote bags for the girls and Solo cups for the guys.”

According to Wallner, this physical and material presence creates exactly the kind of awareness that DateMySchool aims for. “People love the RV,” she told me. “People love to tweet at it, Instagram it, whatever. We blast music, honk the horn, hit on guys—it’s great.”

From the very beginning, the founders of have had a very hands-on attitude toward all their projects. A team member found the RV on the side of the road in Brooklyn and immediately set about securing it for the company. It needed serious work, Wallner reflected, but nothing a magenta paint job couldn’t fix.

Despite the relative inexperience of Wallner and her associates, DateMySchool has seen meteoric growth since its inception in 2010. The company’s strategy seems to be largely one of improvisation, and so far this approach has proven quite effective. And while I’m not exactly setting up my online dating profile just yet, I do respect Wallner for her persistence. During the interview, she insisted on three separate occasions that I join up with immediately. After all, “Five percent of your classmates are already on it.”

In the past few months, Wallner and her associates at DateMySchool have been working to increase that percentage. On November 27, the Spectator published an op-ed by Wallner titled “A culture of love,” in which she attempted to explain the “changing relationship dynamics at Columbia” through DateMySchool. Love, she argues, is “more attainable than ever [at Columbia] because of digital platforms like DateMySchool.” The story that she gives of her own involvement with the websites is much the same that she told me in October, but with one significant addition: Since creating her profile, she has “exclusively gone for Columbia guys.”

The Spectator article essentially constitutes an 800-word advertisement disguised as an opinion piece, which reflects DateMySchool’s digital strategy thus far: get the message out there in every way possible, and see what works.

“We’re just kids,” Wallner later said. “All of us are in our 20s and just out of college. We’re not professional PR people or anything like that. We’re really about doing it ourselves.”

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  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous “According to Wallner, Alexa justified his decision to take her because, well, she’s a Double X.”

    Well, that’s disappointing/upsetting/ugh

    1. anonymous says:

      @anonymous i wonder if she had double Ds too.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous How can dating be anonymous, and how can a website guarantee exclusivity or anonymity?

    1. Melanie says:

      @Melanie @Anonymous:

      Great question!

      Datemyschool is exclusive to verified students and alumni: students must sign up with their .edu email address and alumni are verified through educational databases upon registration. We do this to ensure safety and user-authenticity.

      But since datemyschool’s privacy features lets users control exactly who can and can’t view their profiles, members can be as exclusive as they want by restricting access from schools, departments, individuals, age levels, etc.

      So, if you don’t want anyone at Columbia seeing you on the site, you just block the university. One click, that’s it.

      We automatically block your department so you can remain anonymous on campus and not worry about bumping into classmates online, but you’re welcome to opt out of that restriction.

      And finally, we don’t index profiles on Google — your profile is totally private and can only be viewed by the people you actually want to meet.

      1. anon says:

        @anon Melanie,
        Early last year DMS kicked me off the site because I violated one of its policies.
        I’m terribly sorry and contrite, is there a way to be reinstated?
        In a world where terrorist organizations are being pulled on and off the blacklists daily, I sincerely hope DMS can forgive me.

  • aww says:

    @aww Seriously, everyone at Columbia is looking for love. It’s just so sad that none of us have to balls to actually approach someone we might be remotely interested in…forever alone! together!

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous not to bring this up again, but last time declaring love happened on this site, it was a shit show.

      1. Kristine says:

        @Kristine Don’t remind me…

  • Balls says:

    @Balls I for one have balls. Two. I have gone up to 4 girls I had gotten to know and liked and asked them on dates. Separately. Time in between. Have also asked 2 random, yet very cute, girls in Butler.

    Fellow Columbian men…NUT UP! Girls…YOU NUT UP TOO!

    1. you're an inspiration says:

      @you're an inspiration clearly you deserve an award. one for each of your balls.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Date My School is bullshit, and the guys who run it sound UGH too. The Double X thing, the inane platitude about being alone… cool end result to your grad degrees, guys.

  • skeptical says:

    @skeptical I did debate joining datemyschool but the issue, as I see it, is that people who join an online dating website are obviously struggling to meet people in real life, for whatever reason. And why would I want to date someone who is too awkward to find dates in real life? Granted, I am implying that I too am unable to meet anyone in real life, but I think that’s primarily because I go to Barnard.

    1. Erm says:

      @Erm Because you go to Barnard… But other people have reasons too. If yours is legitimate, so are their excuses. For instance: he’s an entrepeneur who works from home, his grad school is almost all male, he has te common sense to not hit on coworkers and classmates, his friends are married so not helpful for the single life…

      Also being in college makes meeting people so easy- it gets harder afterward!

      1. soso says:

        @soso Exactly. Why assume they are “struggling” to meet people? You are way over judgmental skeptical bear. That’s like saying if someone joins a gym they must be out of shape.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous This whole article seemed less like an article and more like an ad to me.

    Incidentally, that’s totally how I’d market this business if I were running it: I’d pay a student journalist to write about it in the school blog.., then I’d be reaching my target market from the inside. Nice!

    I wouldn’t worry at all about the fact that I’d be trying to get student journalists to compromise on their journalistic integrity, or anything like that.


  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I miss the old days of matchu(dot)me – Columbias true digital wingman. From the name to the service itself, every aspect about it was far more clever and effective than DMS. Maybe it should be resurrected.

  • Seriously says:

    @Seriously datemyschool or whatever needs to stop hijacking supposedly independent publications and running ads as op-eds or whatever. bullsh*t

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous You’re in for a treat! The quality of people on that site..oh man..It’s like the ugly-weirdo contest…pure comic value!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous DMS is the best thing to come out of Columbia since

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