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Barnard is the Second Happiest School in the Nation (?)

This is the photo the article used... Why does it look like they photoshopped the runner into the space where that creepy as fuck bench is?

This is the photo the article used… Why does it look like they photoshopped the runner into the space where that creepy as fuck bench is?

According to the 2013 Unigo College rankings, Barnard College has the second happiest students of any school in America, behind only University of Wisconsin-Madison.

The fact that this ranking is from the end of August may explain why the Barnard students they interviewed, Ellie and Brittany, didn’t just say “I’m sorry, I can’t talk, I have to go cry into my drink from Liz’s Place about all the midterms I have this week”. The reasons the article gives about why Barnard students are so happy sound very familiar, almost like they were lifted straight from that seductive brochure that had “At Barnard, I majored in Unafraid” written on the front… So, Barnard women, as you trudge through the dank tunnels to Hewitt, remember that you’re living the college student’s (#2) dream.

Here’s the article, for the lazy:

A top-notch women’s liberal arts college under the umbrella of Columbia University, Barnard gives its small, elite population access to stellar faculty, lots of encouragement and attention, and everything New York City has to offer. Although its campus is small—-only four square city blocks—-the school’s 2,300 students can take advantages of all of Columbia’s resources, including classes, libraries, dining halls, sports teams, sororities and publications, without having to be subjected to its rigid core curriculum.

Ellie, a Freshman at Barnard, couldn’t be more pleased. “Students at Barnard are genuinely happy- happy to study, happy to be together, happy to be at Barnard. It is a self-selecting group, women who want to learn in a academic environment and learn from each other. It makes Barnard a pleasant and, moreover, inspiring place to be.”

Brittany, a Psychology Junior, appreciates the mix of being in one of the largest cities in the world, complete with its distractions and advantages, while also being part of a small, tight-knit community. ” We are getting the best education money can offer, and even though it is really expensive, I would not have been happier anywhere else. You really come into your own here, and gain skills necessary to make a difference in the world.”

 

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46 Comments

  • heisenberg says:

    @heisenberg Ignorance is bliss

    1. JessePinkman says:

      @JessePinkman Yeah bitch!!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous HAHA YEAH RIGHT

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous these people definitely got some $$$ from the admissions office

      1. bc says:

        @bc Lolz Barnard has no $$$

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous …because they spent it all on crap like this

  • Yeah, I bet they're happy... says:

    @Yeah, I bet they're happy... …wearing Columbia hoodies.

  • lol says:

    @lol were they paid

  • BC '14 says:

    @BC '14 Some people at Barnard like to look on the bright side and appreciate what they have. So sue us.

    1. BC '13 says:

      @BC '13 I’m a Barnard student and here’s what i don’t have:

      -a campus pool

      -campus housing

      -(thanks 2 ODS’s convoluted registration reqs) school support for my disability

      -my friends who had to graduate early because of the part-time retraction

      -an administration that owns up to what it does, rather than blaming its shitty/illegal actions on students for not filling out email surveys. LOL

      -a student government that holds the administration accountable rather than bending over backwards to believe they were, at the very least, well-intentioned

      BONUS:
      -the full amount of mental-health support sessions that were promised at furman, secretly reduced (by… the administration)

      here’s what i do have: a decent education thanks mostly to Columbia, and famous graduation speakers, because that’s where barnard chooses to spend its money.

      so speak for yourself about us “having it good.” denying that most schools actually HAVE the above for all students just so you can point out that you’re an optimist is offensive to all the students who’ve had a mixed, if not downright shitty, experience here.

      1. Anon says:

        @Anon But you do have a campus pool, just fyi

        1. anon2 says:

          @anon2 The pool is gone after this semester, so we won’t have one for much longer and Dodge is way more crowded and deeper so not fit for as wide a range of people to use.

          About the reduction in Furman sessions: it wasn’t some devious plot by the administration, but rather a way to fit in more students because most only utilize Furman for 5-6 sessions anyway. They will work with you to establish a relationship with a long-term counselor and set up insurance to cover most of that cost. I’m with you on the other grievances, though.

          1. Anonymous says:

            @Anonymous girlfriend:

            think about that explanation. does that make sense? barnard wouldn’t need to reduce the appointment number if they weren’t being used in the first place, now would they?

      2. Anon says:

        @Anon It sucks that you feel that way, but as a Columbia student, I would trade places with you. My professors at Barnard care alot more about their students than the professors at Columbia. Hewitt has better food. Your dorm selection is pretty good. The school is much smaller and united. And if you are involved on campus, you enter a family. I don’t even go to Barnard and I feel included.

        Barnard has many resources that Columbia doesn’t have, just as Columbia has many resources Barnard doesn’t have. It’s just the reality. And it is unfortunate that you feel that your experience was not great. Yet even though my experience at Columbia has not been that great, I am still appreciative and tried to keep my head up.

        You could have transferred, ya know.

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous but why is this “my” experience? because these things did affect me, i used the first person for rhetorical reasons, but my point is that it’s anyone’s experience who was affected by these things. the others who can’t get disability recognition. the students who had never planned to graduate early but had to—just ask a couple of seniors (i think there were at least 10). the 3000 members of UAW Local 2110. the 40+ members of the “Save the Barnard Pool” contingent. it could have been any of us, and as it is, there are literally hundreds of people.

          see my point about education, though; i agree that there are some great professors. these professors, though, agree that all this other stuff is pretty intolerable.

          even where there were zero people affected by these things, in an alternate universe, this is a systemic issue. i have friends whose suite was taken over by mold and when they got sick, ResLife refused to move them and just painted. over. the mold. the fact that Barnard students laugh this kind of thing off countless times as typical really underscores that it is, and that Barnard IS totally indifferent when it comes to the Student Experience.

          and BTW, no, we don’t have our own pool. or won’t as of the end of this year.

      3. BC senior says:

        @BC senior @BC ’13: It disappoints me that a select few of my peers feel this way about their experience at Barnard. However, I wonder why did you choose to stay at Barnard all four years if you feel like you don’t have so many of the things you wanted?

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous most of these things only became apparent to me gradually, by which point it was too late to transfer.

          and if you think these are a “select few,” you are sorely wrong. see barnard’s embarrassingly low giving rate since we were freshmen, and far before then.

  • CC '15 says:

    @CC '15 Yeah, they have such great school pride that they consistently soak up in Lerner in Columbia apparel

    1. lol says:

      @lol as if anyone would go to that monstrosity instead of the Diana

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous why doesn’t anyone call it the vag anymore?

        1. It is and will forever remain says:

          @It is and will forever remain the VAG, and I refer to it as such. Nice building though.

  • CC '13 Female says:

    @CC '13 Female If I had the chance to do college all over again, I’d go to Barnard over Columbia. No, this isn’t a joke.

    1. ew says:

      @ew seriously? – CC 13 female

      1. Lolololl says:

        @Lolololl Someone sounds a little insecure. Besides, no one asked you for your opinion.

    2. another CC '13 says:

      @another CC '13 Me too!

    3. SEAS '13 says:

      @SEAS '13 Me three!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Majored in Unafraid?

    In Columbia, I majored in Harsh Reality with a minor in Ruthless Exploitation. See you in the job market.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous @Anonymous: favorite

  • hey says:

    @hey I’m pretty sure if you didn’t consider transferring from anywhere your freshman year you’re an anomaly.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I can’t believe how snide the comments from CU students are – get over it.

    1. So.... says:

      @So.... Does this comment not include Barnard as CU students?

  • BC '13 says:

    @BC '13 I call it both The Vag and the Big D.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous barnard’s campus is just overflowing with sexual imagery. that cherry blossom in front of the vag CANNOT be coincidental.

      1. proud barnard whoreticulturalist '13 says:

        @proud barnard whoreticulturalist '13 that’s definitely a dogwood tree.

  • BC '15 says:

    @BC '15 whuteva bwog, try to disturb my happiness. still flyin high!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Go to the source… this not the 2013 rankings, it’s from August, I even remember when everyone was posting it on their facebooks months back. Way to use old news to stir up shit and get comments bwog, you’re the best!

  • bc '16 says:

    @bc '16 can we PLEASE get rid of that bench

    1. CC '13 dude says:

      @CC '13 dude Trade you for the wack-ass curlicue behind Low.

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous if we’re going to talk about shitty art on campus, how about that piece of crap on top of the law school

    2. That bench says:

      @That bench is fucking awesome. Transfer to Binghamton or something.

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous @That bench:

        Or transfer to Middlebury…where you’ll find another one!

    3. UM says:

      @UM ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THE JENNY HOLZER BENCH BECAUSE IF YOU ARE IMMA BOUT TO POP OFF

      smh @ ur basic ass

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Meanwhile across the street….

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous What are all you sixties hippies smoking anyway?

  • Fratty and Hip says:

    @Fratty and Hip If Bronard existed I would definitely go there over the most stressful school in the country that is “Bro”lumbia!

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