Connect with us

All Articles

Party Testimonial: Bacchanal

Part of a healthy breakfast

Part of a healthy breakfast

Bacchanal is a pretty unusual time for Columbia students. To document the event, an anonymous student tells us about his first experience with the legendary day in our first Party Testimonial.  If you have a particularly epic party moment specific to Columbia, email it in to

Like too many things at Columbia University, my Bacchanal experience was a teachable moment.

I learned how to combat sleepiness.

With alcohol.

I learned that orange juice should only be had

With alcohol.

I learned that I love everybody


The following recount of Bacchanal is a first-hand experience, as recounted to me from various friends and family.

(Note to self: do not text your family pictures of your pregame. Or do. It’s a free world.)

8 am: Wake up in room. Shower. Treasure your ability to think in a coherent manner.

9 am: High-five your friends. Yeah college! You’re doing it right! And your friends back home thought you were a loser. Commence to eat pizza that you bought the night before, (check 6 pizzas.)

9:12 am:  Remark that you just had four shots in 12 minutes. They were Jell-O shots though, so it doesn’t count, because if it tastes good, it isn’t alcohol.

9:12-onwards: Continue to consume Jell-O shots, drink wine, and vodka gummy bears. Because you deserve it.

9:40 am: Try to get shirts. Get rejected.

10:00 am: Try to get shirts.

10:01 am: They ran out. Hate them. Love them. You aren’t pregnant, get it together.

10:01.5 am: (Run back to Carman, because that’s totally what people do when drunk). Go to Carman 11.





10:50 am: Go to Low for Morningsiders, because hello, it’s Morningsiders.

11:00 am: DEeR lorD Gsu$. wErt heRVE i Donee.






*Go to the bathroom in Kent. Remark about how clean the bathroom is on the 5th floor.*

Afternoon pm: Pass out in friends room. Get JJ’s. Pass out in your room. Have people sleep on your floor. Have people sleep with your pillows. You won’t regret anything.

Secondwind pm: Yay! That was fun! I feel great! Let’s keep going.

Youshouldstop pm: Keep drinking. Get a text from a friend, asking you to save her from a room full of stoners. Just stay quiet in the corner of your room, and no one will ask anything of you. Captain Jack won’t ask favors.

apathetic pm: Let’s go to Sig Nu. Woo.

confusion o’clock pm: Get told you are trying to go way too early. It’s like 8:30 pm. Oops.


Oh god. Is that girl. No. Yes. Strangely, I’m okay with this.

11 pm: Rethink life choices.

12 am: Rethink life choices. Realize you already did that.

Cry a little.

1 am: Find your drunk friends and lead them out of the party and into the cold night.

Nighttime am: Go to bars. Leave bars. It’s alllll the same. #justkiddingpositivespin

somegodforsakenhour am:

Go to your dorm. See the kids studying in the lounge.

Go to bed.

Say you will never do this again.

And wait for next weekend because 420? 1020? COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT.

Eerily lit shots via Shutterstock

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.



  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Pour up, drank, head shot, drank
    Sit down, drank, stand up, drank
    Pass out, drank, wake up, drank
    Faded, drank, faded, drank

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous wtf is this shit?

  • lolol says:

    @lolol amazing

  • mad says:

    @mad I hope you’re not the one who pulled the Carman 11 fire exit sign out of the ceiling and smashed it.

    I feel so bad for the RA on that floor, poor girl.

    1. no lie says:

      @no lie everyone in carman wants to get in her pants so if she wants the D with some freshmen…

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous This is the softest shit I’ve ever read

  • Anonymau5 says:

    @Anonymau5 So true… your friends from back home are right

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Don’t forget the Red Bull Truck!! (or do…because you just had that much fun)

    Join “I Raged at the Red Bull Truck” on Facebook!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Don’t forget the Red Bull truck!! (or do…because you just had that much fun.)

    Join “I Raged at the Red Bull Truck” on Facebook to help bring the truck back to Columbia!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous if you remember it clearly you’re doing it wrong

  • Have Your Say

    What should Bwog's new tagline be?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Recent Comments

    They did Barnard yesterday. But to be fair, this is a Columbia College publication as is Spectator. Most clubs (read more)
    Columbia Announces Reopening Plans For 2020-2021 Year
    July 9, 2020
    :) you're a shining star!!!!! (read more)
    Senior Wisdom: Rania Siddique
    July 8, 2020
    The other deans also sent emails, but guess y'all will just ignore those because y'all think CC is the only (read more)
    Columbia Announces Reopening Plans For 2020-2021 Year
    July 8, 2020
    did you ever get it? :( (read more)
    Fake It Till You Make It
    July 8, 2020

    Comment Policy

    The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
    • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
    • Hate speech
    • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
    • Personal information about an individual
    • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
    • Spam or self-promotion
    • Copyright infringement
    • Libel