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Senior Wisdom: Michael Samuels

Michael Samuels

Michael Samuels

Tonight’s second Senior Wisdom: Michael Samuels, who’s heading back to the woods, and remembers a very very important Columbia graduation requirement involving the stacks. 

Name, Hometown, School: Michael Samuels, Wayland, MA, CC

Claim to fame? When the weather’s nice I like to sit on the steps at night and play music. Sometimes people stop and listen, which always makes me smile. Also last semester I got into a shouting match with Robert Thurman in a Buddhism lecture. I won’t lie, I’m pretty perversely proud of that.

Where are you going? Staying here for June to take a Global Core class. After that, I have no idea. Probably back to the woods. People weren’t as mean there.

3 things you learned at Columbia:

  • (a.) The person you see walking towards you on campus that you had CC with two years ago, sat behind crushing on in FroSci, made out with at 1020, and/or rode in an elevator with that one time during NSOP who just pulled out their iphone and is pretending to send a text? Yeah, they totally see and remember you, and they’re not texting anyone. More importantly, do NOT let that hurt you. I spent years here taking other people’s awkwardness so, so personally. I let every single one of those make me believe there was something wrong with me. It’s taken me until this year to realize the way to be is to just smile at everyone you see, no matter how or if you know them, and not sweat the ones who don’t smile back. Laugh at them, pity them, but never let them hurt you.
  • (b.) Take your meds, exactly like you’re supposed to, every single night. As tempting as it is to skip, as amazing as the next day feels if you stay up all night, and the next one after that, and the next one after that, it’s not fair to the people around you, to your mom, or to yourself. Believe that you can get better, because you can, want to get better, because you should, and most of all take care of yourself, because you deserve it.
  • (c.) The core is a gift. It’s easy to hate, but you will be thankful that you know a little bit about a lot of things when graduation and the real world start to loom. Actually do the readings, you’ll regret it if you don’t.

Back in my day….R.I.P. Campo, by which I mean rot in hell Campo.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Making my mom happy/making up for what I was like as a teenager, and trying to make something worth looking at and/or listening to before I’m gone.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: To the girl: You are absolutely still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, and I mean so, so much more by that than what you look like. Some guy someday is going to win the fucking lottery, and I hope for his sake he has the eyesight to see it and the foresight not to fuck it up. I will always regret only having had one of those. All the shit that’s happened aside, what I said that night is still true; I am still so, so glad I met you.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese.

One thing to do before graduating: Freshman, you are nothing like the person you will be in four years. Give yourself permission to become that person. Try everything you can, make as many mistakes as possible, change majors (more than once if you can), and do whatever you can to step outside your comfort zone. Take time off if you can. I spent last spring living in the woods. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It gave me a whole new perspective on and appreciation for this place when I got back. Be excited to meet yourself in four years.

Any regrets? This campus is so, so fucking beautiful. I spent most of my time here hurrying between places on it and not nearly enough time looking around. I’ve been spending hours just walking around it in circles the last few weeks, trying to drink it all in. Go look at the tree in front of the Math building before the blossoms fall of if you haven’t yet. It’s so, so fucking beautiful.

Also, I never got to have sex in the stacks. Graduation’s looming and my prospects are pretty bleak on that front. I guess I’ll just take a study break for some me time alone with my laptop somewhere on level 12 during reading week and call that good enough.

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37 Comments

  • YES says:

    @YES thank you bwog

  • something about his writing says:

    @something about his writing that just annoys me. Maybe it’s the repeated use of “fucking” or “so, so” as an intensifier.

    1. Bro says:

      @Bro Do you even DFW? He’s like, so, so fucking awesome. I’ll be waiting for your answer. On the steps. Forever.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I’M STILL WAITING FOR A SENIOR WISDOM FROM THE DARK HAND. I NEED INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO TAKE UP HIS CAUSE AFTER HE GRADUATES.

    1. The Dark Hand says:

      @The Dark Hand Bwog is scared of the vox populi because they do not want their corruption EXPOSED

  • I see you deletin' says:

    @I see you deletin' Okay, serious moderation ITT

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous BWOG YOU CAN DELETE THE COMMENTS BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE THE RACISM

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous what was the original thread?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous “(a.) The person you see walking towards you on campus that you had CC with two years ago, sat behind crushing on in FroSci, made out with at 1020, and/or rode in an elevator with that one time during NSOP who just pulled out their iphone and is pretending to send a text? Yeah, they totally see and remember you, and they’re not texting anyone. More importantly, do NOT let that hurt you. I spent years here taking other people’s awkwardness so, so personally. I let every single one of those make me believe there was something wrong with me. It’s taken me until this year to realize the way to be is to just smile at everyone you see, no matter how or if you know them, and not sweat the ones who don’t smile back. Laugh at them, pity them, but never let them hurt you.”

    THIS IS SO REAL. THANK YOU. I have talked about this social awkwardness with the more normal people I know who don’t go Columbia, and they tell me the same thing. I just have to keep telling myself that once I get out of here, I will be able to expect that when I smile at someone, most, if not all, will smile back. LOL

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous @Anonymous: not only that, seemingly socially capable people (club presidents, prestigious job havers, non-friendless kids) not acknowledging or “noticing” you even after multiple encounters. I think many are not socially awkard, just don’t care to know anyone outside of their networking circle.

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous not only that, seemingly socially capable kids (club presidents, prestigious job havers, non-friendless) never acknowledging or “noticing” you after numerous encounters. not socially awkward, but don’t care to know anyone out of their networking circle

  • Wait says:

    @Wait Isn’t this the guy who peed in a water bottle?

    1. I believe it's says:

      @I believe it's ****coconut water bottle

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous Noooo, this is actually cute, DON’T LET IT BE TRUE

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous WE NEED AN ANSWER BWOG

          1. Yep says:

            @Yep He is

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous It totally is.

    3. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Oh come on guys. I’m guessing that he doesn’t want to constantly be reminded of it.

      Michael, you were in one of my classes this semester, and you’re a nice guy! It was nice getting to know you a bit.

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous what’s the big deal about peeing ina bottle. i keep a gatorade bottle next to my bed to pee in it at night no joke, at least he didn’t pee on alma mater.

        seriously he seems like a genuinely good guy.

      2. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous @Anonymous: if he didn’t want to be reminded of it all the time, he could have not mentioned the incident in his post, but his CU Admirers is pretty clearly for her…

  • Campo Mike says:

    @Campo Mike CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE, CAMPO WAS THE TITS.

  • JH Travolta says:

    @JH Travolta Who the fuck is screaming?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous No mention of Kristine? Harsh

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous CU admirers post is totally about her

  • is everyone overlooking the fact says:

    @is everyone overlooking the fact that he’s probably gonna jack off in the stacks?

  • wait says:

    @wait I dunno this guy but I really like him

  • thurman alum says:

    @thurman alum What did Michael Samuels get in an argument with Robert Thurman about???

  • Wait says:

    @Wait This guy was CC ’12. Also, I hadn’t known it before, but: it makes so much sense that he was the Kristine/coconut water guy.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous It is the Kristine guy, he was in a class with me. Looks like he warmed up to Bwog after all…

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous the punctuation in the last sentence of b) is kind of confusing, but i figured it out eventually cool

  • clearly says:

    @clearly he learned the “taking your meds” thing the hard way

  • CC14 says:

    @CC14 I don’t know what bwog is waiting for, do a Ryan Mandelbaum senior wisdom already!!!

  • yeah... says:

    @yeah... this guy was pretty creepy, in my experience. Maybe that’s why chicks were ignoring you.

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