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But Pain: Staying In Butler For 24 Hours

Labeled: beautiful sad brunette student sitting by the table with books and unwilling to do homework

Labeled: beautiful sad brunette student sitting by the table with books and unwilling to do homework

Last Friday night, pathfinder Josh Dillon spent 24 hours in Butler. While this might be something one does everyday, Dillon the Explorer tends to go to bed around 11 pm, so this was kinda a big deal for him.

I am the type of person who needs a full 8 hours of sleep to function. I go to bed by 11 pm, and wake up at 7 am almost every day. If it is getting late, and my homework isn’t done, I think to myself:

Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen probably didn’t do their homework, and they are more famous than I’ll ever be.

And then I go to bed.

So attempting to stay up for 24 hours wasn’t going to happen. This is why at approximately 4 am, I found myself getting ready for bed in Butler Library*. I turned off all of the lights, vaguely wondering if I shouldn’t be doing so, and crawled into my makeshift bed. I had been in Butler for 9  of my 24-hour sentence. I tried to fall asleep, but my Red-Bull sustained heart beat was keeping me awake. Amid thoughts of evading Public Safety in the stacks, I recounted my day so far.


Enter Butler Library carrying two backpacks (one containing food of course), and a sleeping bag. Walk confidently to Butler 209. Secure a seat, and proceed to block the entire aisle with your shit. Play Candy Crush.


Begin listening to Lorde’s new album in a new playlist. Don’t use Spotify. iTunes or die.

Also, briefly look at the Spring 2013 directory for classes you’ll probably never take.

7:16 pm

Bathroom break.


Praise G-d, because on the third day he made Wolfram Alpha.


Oh golly, it’s already 10:00pm! And you’ve already finished your Calculus problem set. DUE TUESDAY. This is going to be a piece of cake.


Shift change. Half the people in 209 leave, and they are replaced by a grittier, rougher looking crowd. These people look like they’ve been through hell.

Note: Apparently these students are a species called previ mediuous. They are on the endangered species list due to their inability to mate, since they never leave the library and have trouble meeting people.


Leave Butler 209 for Butler 409. The room is completely empty, so make sure to utilize the entire room. This includes playing music, using the hot water heater brought to you by BwogStaff to make noodles, and dancing around.


Put away your homework, because this is the time in the morning when you should contemplate life. First, think about the fact that a Philosophy major or English major would probably be better at this. Then, pretend that taking CC makes you qualified. And finally just let the words flow:

How do cell phones send multimedia messages? If Barack Obama was a character in Mortal Kombat, what would his finishing move be? If we didn’t measure time, would it exist? Is it possible to spell the word begining beginning correctly the first time?


Debate how sexist Butler Library is for having two women’s bathrooms on the fourth floor, but only one men’s. Walk over to the men’s bathroom. Change in the men’s bathroom, and meet a very nice custodian named James. Inquire about his health and family.


Brush your teeth in a water fountain. Don’t specify which one.


Place your sleeping bag in the last alcove of Butler 409. Turn off the lights and play Lorde from your laptop. Realize that you have played this playlist 19 times today. Continue to listen to music.


Come full circle.

*~~~Rest of Day~~~~*

The rest of the sentence kind of went by in a blur. I vaguely remember people bringing me a pumpkin and multiple deliveries of food. Climbing into my own bed that night was sweet bliss. Butler Library is a beautiful place, for studying, eating, birthday parties, etc. But in moderation folks.

* The maintenance staff in Butler Library are incredibly nice. One custodian watched my brush my teeth in a water fountain, and said nothing. Another struck up a conversation with me while I was changing in the bathroom. They are good people.

 #accurate via ShutterStock

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  • cc'15 says:

    @cc'15 loved this! who cares if spec did something similar 4 years ago?…this piece was clever and made me laugh during midterms. Job well done in my book.

  • Those who ignore history says:

    @Those who ignore history This piece on 48 hours in Butler, from four years ago, was way better/funnier:

  • call me Queen Bee says:

    @call me Queen Bee Where’s the gold teeth? Where’s the grey goose? Cristal? Maybach? DIAMONDS ON YOUR TIME PIECE??

  • pfft... says:

    @pfft... 24 hours? try 48

  • bc16 says:

    @bc16 i think its a cool idea but it could have been written about in a more interesting way. five summary sentences doesn’t really do this idea justice. then again yeah it was probs nothing to write about/ pretty boring anyway

  • cc14 says:

    @cc14 I love the staff at Butler. Raj is fantastic and one of the most generous and kind people I’ve met at Columbia!

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