In today’s installment of Small Victories during midterms, Claire Friedman reminds you that you’re great — you took the stairs! — and Alexander Pines awards you this congratulatory mug.
Until a week ago, you didn’t even know where the stairs in your building were. Well, just look at you now! You took one look at that “up” button, turned the opposite direction, and steeled yourself for some seriously healthy physical activity. That’s right, you magnificent stallion — you’re taking the stairs.
As you begin your ascent into the unknown and your legs begin to burn, you’re reminded of a piece of sage wisdom you received not too long ago: “You better work, bitch.” And oh, work you do! Your legs begin to burn and you wonder why you thought it was a good idea to eat an entire sleeve of Chips Ahoy and carry your Stats textbook on your journey.
You climb higher and higher, mountain goats begin to follow you and a friendly Sherpa offers you kind words of support. A passing eagle caws what sounds like your name. Do eagles even live on mountains? Is this a hallucination? Whatever. You burst onto your floor with all the fiery splendor of a dragon punching a phoenix.
Yes, you’re embarrassingly out of breath for the number of stairs you’ve climbed. And yes, you’re slightly sweaty and wondering if you should maybe hit the gym a little more often. But dammit, you showed those stairs who’s boss. You’re the healthiest motherfucker around and, based on your slight stench, everyone knows it. Whether you climbed two sets of stairs or ten, today you are a champion.