"Did someone say they have a dildo they need to be cleaned?"

“Did someone say they have a dildo that needs to be cleaned?”

Because Bwog is totally not feeding the trolls your Seventeen Magazine, we’ve decided to field any and all pleas for help sent in to our anonymous tip form or tips@bwog.com. If you or “a friend” have anything to ask Momma Bwog about, send it in and we’ll offer shady advice the best we’ve got. Up today: dildo care.

The Question

bwog. I need to leave my strapon out after washing it (to let it dry) because cleaner sex is safer sex, right? where do I put it? in a double. help.

The Answer

First, I’m going to assume that said strapon is used for some form of penetrative sex with a partner and not just on yourself. This means that when you wash it, unless you’re using it with a condom or the same partner, you’ll need to boil it to completely disinfect (assuming that you’re working with 100% silicone. If you’re not working with 100% silicone, I’d highly suggest investing in something that is, purchased from a local sex toy retailer or online, if you want to deal with the package center). If you are just using it on yourself or with a single partner (and you’ve both been tested), simply washing with warm soap and water should suffice, although disinfecting never hurts. Also, don’t forget to clean the harness! If it’s washable, throw it in with your laundry. If it’s leather, wipe that shit down.

So now that you’ve got your squeaky clean dildo, where to let it dry? If you have a few minutes and you know your roommate is not going to walk in, I’d bring out whatever fan you use to keep the weed smell out control the temperature after housing blasts the heat and dry away. It shouldn’t take more than five to ten minutes and you won’t have to worry about leaving wet dildo marks everywhere. If you don’t have time/a fan, things get tricky. While Momma Bwog always suggests open and honest communication with roommates, there are a number of reasons why it might be extremely uncomfortable for your roommate to find your strapon beyond the obvious potential awkwardness of “hi these are my sex toys and yes they’re just sitting out“—you could be trans or queer-identified and not want to out yourself to a potentially trans-or-queerphobic roommate; they could have super strong beliefs about premarital sex that you don’t want to deal with; they might steal it and use it to ward off squirrels, etc.

If your roommate is rarely there or incredibly unobservant, you could play the “hiding in plain sight” game with your strapon. Put a shade in it, instant dildo lamp. Get Star Wars-inspired and make your own C-3PO (dick included!). Modified joystick for your video game console. Hell, you could suction cup it to the shower and turn it into a drying rack. If your roommate is often there (and would mind having it out/you would mind having it out), try and find spaces in the room that are out of sight—the rooms here often have weird nooks and crannies where all of my socks, textbooks, and clean underwear things to get lost. You could also clear out the bottom drawer of your desk and place it inside, allowing it to sit out in some form of open air without leaving it on your desk proper. If you’re feeling really creative, make a fake layer of book covers (as in, print out a piece of paper or something of the like with images of the spines of books on them and attach it to one real book on each end) and have an instant “secret space” on your bookshelf. 

All in all, remember that safe sex is better, consent is not only sexy but necessary, and Momma Bwog loves you.