Feb

10

Personals: Derek, Maria, and Eric

Written by

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Dat guy in the background tho

Derek Kim (on left)

Valentine’s Day approacheth! Today’s Columbians looking for love are Derek Kim, Eric Donahue, and Maria Cristina Nieves Gimenez de los Galanes Cavallo, who is famous for having the longest name in the history of names. If you want to take any one of these awesome humans on a date, email us and we’ll set it up (and give you ten whole dollars to take ‘em out). If you don’t, we still think you deserve a shot at love. Fill out our short questionnaire and send a picture to [email protected] and the face to the right could be yours.

Name, Year, School, Major: Derek Kim, 2016, CC, Economics

Preference: Guy for guy

Hometown: Ann Arbor, MI

Your nightmare date in seven words or fewer: “I don’t have an iPhone.”

 What redeems you as a human being? I don’t eat other people’s snacks without asking, I am a very quiet pooper, and it only took me ~10 minutes to answer this question.

Library room of choice: I’m obsessed with the East Asian library. It’s unpopulated, wonderful lamp-side lighting, and it’s not Butler.

 Beverage of choice: Almond milk served in a stolen John Jay glass

 Guilty pleasure song: Pu$$y – Iggy Azalea

 Where can you usually be found on a Saturday night? At Westside getting a salad

 Historical Hottie: The young Josef Stalin. Those luscious locks.

Casual red on red on red photo

Maria C. N. G. de los G. C.

 

Name, Year, School, Major: Maria C. N. G. de los G. C., CC ’14, Film Studies, Italian Literature, French and Romance Philology

Preference: Witty male of the French persuasion.

Hometown: NYC, Madrid, Scandiano, Jersey Shore.

Your nightmare date in seven words or fewer: A conversation without reference to the Core.

What redeems you as a human being?: I teleported to the modern age from the 1960s and I was a frequent flyer before I could walk.

Library room of choice: Periodicals, with a glorious view overlooking Low and the Cahiers du Cinéma nearby.

Beverage of choice: Fermenting grapes.

Guilty pleasure song: I don’t feel guilty about my pleasures. “Voulez-vous danser” is a classic.

Where can you usually be found on a Saturday night? Butler. Isn’t that where all the cool kids are hanging out these days?

Historical Hottie: Buster Keaton! What a dreamboat.

I woke up like dis

Eric Donahue

 

Name, Year, School, Major: Eric Donahue, CC ’15, American Studies or something

Preference: Guy for girl, I guess

Hometown: Does anyone really have a home? If so, Grayslake, IL

Your nightmare date in seven words or fewer: Necking, then they discover your malignant melanoma

What redeems you as a human being? One time I made eye contact with Kristen Stewart. I sensed a lot of darkness in her soul. Maybe someone should talk to her.

Library room of choice: Butler stairwell

Beverage of choice: Virgin Sex on the Beach

Guilty pleasure song: “Clair de Lune” by Debussy

Where can you usually be found on a Saturday night? The question is not where, but when.

Historical Hottie: Hamlet

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29 Comments

  1. engineer  

    Oh wow Maria seems cute... but... about referencing the core...

  2. Anonymous  

    Good thing Bwog didn't ask for your name in seven words or fewer.

  3. Guy for guy  

    If I go out with the first guy, can our date include body shots?

  4. Anonymous  

    Any photos of a young Stalin you see were most likely heavily retouched. In reality he was covered with acne scars and had an asymmetrical face, but his real face was a closely guarded secret during his lifetime.

  5. "I was a frequent flyer before I could walk."

  6. Gussein

    I'd go out with the girl that is standing with David on the photo. She is hotttttt. So, David, if u r readin this, and I'm sure u r, give me her contact info!!!

  7. "Your nightmare date in seven words or fewer: “I don’t have an iPhone.”"  

    ELITIST

  8. Anonymous  

    wait, is that fountain girl???

  9. Anonymous

    I think donaheu is a bretty cool guy. Eh writes a shit varsity show and doesn't afraid of people's opinions

  10. Anonymous  

    I didn't think people like Maria actually existed. it's like she's satire, only she's for real

  11. World's hottest mass murderer

    "Historical Hottie: The young Josef Stalin. Those luscious locks."

    Yeah, Derek, but don't dismiss Hitler's dewy-damp mustache--grzzz!!

  12. anon  

    That girl is literally the worst and she represents everything i hate in this world

  13. "A conversation without reference to the Core."  

    Will you catch my vomit with your copy of The Republic?

  14. Anonymous  

    Is Maria literally standing in front of a red flag?

  15. Zach

    Maria is actually one of the most genuine people that I know. We studied abroad together, and she made my experience absoultely amazing. Okay, maybe she talks too much about school sometimes, but some people are into that. Love you, MC <3

  16. m4m  

    At first I was all like "damn you fine" but then I read the answers and I was all like "hmmm…you kinda strange" but, like, I guess that's still a turn on?

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