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The Hookup: St. Paul’s Chapel

Bonus points if you do it during a wedding

Bonus points if you do it during a wedding

We can’t stop. Bwog just keeps coming up with more brilliant ideas for where y’all can get intimate with your significant other on campus, and we think this one may be crossing the line the best one yet. Say a quick Hail Mary as a Bwogger explains why the St. Paul’s Chapel is the best place to get your consensual freak on.

If you, like me, spent your teen years listening to Andrea Gibson’s “How It Ends” as you drove around your boring/small/Walmart-is-practically-a-nightclub town because you didn’t have a date on prom night, have I got the place for you to get a hickey on your ass in the shape of Jesus’ palm: St. Paul’s Chapel.

Not only is the Crypt the place of very sexy Columbia Admirers escapades, it also houses the weekly meetings of The Blue and White, and if Tina Fey has taught me anything, it’s that knowledge is fucking hot. Don’t want to have icky basement sex under the greenish cast of fluorescent lights? Then there’s always the chapel itself!

Blasphemous, you say? Sacrilegious, even? Admittedly, you’re talking to the kid who got kicked out of church at eight, but (ignoring, as always, Augustine) sex positive Christians totally exist and you’ve got the added benefit of doing it in the same place you could later get married.

As you settle into one of the many hard-to-spot nooks and crannies (or just spread out on one of the long, hard pews), gaze in wonder above your beer-googles-made-you-hotter hookup’s head at the gorgeous architecture on the ceiling, the beautiful hanging chandeliers, and the intricate stained-glass windows. Best part is, there should already be some water handy for cleanup after you finish!

The holy place via WikiCommons

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10 Comments

  • now think if this would be OK were it for literally any other religiom says:

    @now think if this would be OK were it for literally any other religiom there aren’t pews in st. paul’s

    there isn’t holy water either, but really? using that for cleanup?

    this isn’t edgy.

    1. dude it's Bwog says:

      @dude it's Bwog Since when has Bwog cared about factual accuracy over an easy dick joke?

      (also, hating on Christians != hating on other religions in the United States because unlike other religions, Christianity hasn’t been marginalized and oppressed by institutions in power and if you don’t believe me, see how far you get in an airport with a cross around your neck compared to a turban on your head)

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous so… an eye for an eye, then?

      2. Anon says:

        @Anon So because Christianity gives people privilege, that means it’s more OK to offend Christians than marginalized religion X? I think we should just be kind all-around rather than keeping score and being vengeful.

  • anon says:

    @anon Bwog stop trying to make sex articles happen. Its never going to happen

  • Liberal Christian says:

    @Liberal Christian That’s the link you’re going to use for sex-positive Christians, Bwog? Really?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Que christian butthurt- maybe in more ways than one.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I think I know who writes all of these..

  • Jaded Graduate Student says:

    @Jaded Graduate Student The vast majority of the buildings on the Morningside Campus seem to be 100, maybe 150 years old. Heck, Columbia has been an established institution for well over 200 years, never short on an ample supply of hormonally-inspired students. If you are operating under the assumption that one is “innovative,” “special,” or “oh-so-daring” for “doing the nasty” in the Stacks or in one of the lecture halls late at night, you are in for a surprise! There was probably more public sex on campus in the age before security cameras…

    However, if Bwog wants to cover sex on campus, why not collect some anonymous, first-hand accounts of “hitting the books” in Butler? :D

  • this is pretty says:

    @this is pretty disrespectful––obviously a large number or even a majority of columbia students are agnostic or gnostic atheists, but St. Paul’s still constitutes a holy place for many people

    it’s not being butthurt (…are we still using that…) or offended to point this out honestly, this criticism comes from a place of compassion and respect

    also the article’s not very good so is it really worth it

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