It’s midterm time so Bwog is continuing one of our favorite types of series: archetypes, specifically College Walk Archetypes. We all recognize certain people/groups of people as we sprint from Ferris to Havemeyer in the morning. Mind you, our idea of “College Walk” is really anything from Butler to Low, so be prepared for some real nut jobs interesting individuals.  For this one, we take a piece on all of those damned kids running around from former Managing Editor Alexandra Avvocato.

Every Villain is Lemons (EVIL)

We’re not sure if it’s an early conditioning thing or just a dearth of appropriate playgrounds in Morningside Heights, but our walk to class isn’t complete without tripping over at least one small human.

Seriously, they’re fucking everywhere. Throwing their damn balls, playing that incomprehensible game under that giant colored trampoline thing (if you ever go to morning class in Pupin you know what we’re talking about), using Alma Mater as a rocking horse, and generally running amok.

It’s not that we don’t love children. We do. They’re great. The future, and all that. But do they have to be occupying the same space as us when our goal is to make it to our 10:10 class without spilling coffee all over our final paper, and their goal is to see what that big stressed-out looking human does when I throw a ball at it?

All we’re asking for is a cordoned off little section of College Walk where the not-fully-formed can play or do whatever the hell they do, and where we can observe their supposed cuteness from a safe distance.

Maybe they’re just trying to blend in with the high school tour groups? Get their name in the system really early on? It’s never too soon to meet with your local admissions officer, kids! We feel like we’re too young to start yelling at children to get off our damn lawn, but…get off our damn lawn, you fucking hooligans. You’ll have more than enough of this in 14 years.

Although we’re not gonna lie, that naked baby on the steps was the best thing.