if your interviewer fell asleep, you got lucky! they will feel guilty about it and give you the job.

Only a few more days until spring officially begins, and that means it’s internship-hunting season. Assuming you did a good job selling your strengths as a candidate got lucky at the career fair and scored an interview, here’s a step-by-step guide on ruining your chances.

  • Forget what position you are applying for because you sent out way too many applications.
  • Speak entirely @JennyHolzer-style tweets. Examples include “MURDER HAS ITS SEXUAL SIDE” and “STUPID PEOPLE SHOULDN’T BREED”
  • Give an actual weakness for “What are your strengths and weaknesses?” (Although that would make for an interesting interview, at least.)
  • Great job! You’re halfway through the interview—don’t forget to cut your toenails or change your socks at this point. Many companies consider it a plus if you remember to do both.
  • Ironically make a mistake in interpreting and answering “Explain a mistake you have made and how you handled it.” For some reason, Bwog ended up explaining a mistake someone else made and how it helped them solve the problem. After what Bwog thought was a great answer the interviewer just glared and said “you did not answer the question.”
  • Close with “I would be really excited to work at (competitor)!”

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