You in approx. 18 hours

Bacchanal is right around the corner, so prepare to not remember much of the next 36 hours. One Bwog staffer used some of her last of her pre-Bacchanal hours to guide you to your best Bacchanal ever.

For you freshies who have yet to experience the potential glory of Bacchanal, or those of you who felt like last year’s Bacchanal was not nearly as fun as it was for everyone else, we have compiled everything you need to know and do to ensure it is insanely awesome. I may be writing this with only one year of experience on Bacchanaling, so how do you know you can trust my review? Well, remember Wednesday’s email about how Carman got trashed (punched-out ceiling tiles, bulletin boards torn to pieces, broken windows, and ripped-out exit signs)? I helped with all that (except for the broken window- that sounds painful) and was alongside this Bwogger.

Basics: You will need a CUID (each ID gets you one guest), no backpacks will be allowed in, and only plastic bottles for your various liquids. Novachord will play 1:15-2:00, California Love will play 2:00-2:30, Flaxo will play 2:45-3:30, Chainsmokers will perform 4:00-5:30, and Lupe will perform 5:45-6:45.

Schedule:

Today (in order):

1. Outline your pre-game: Talk with your suitemates and decide how you’re going to pre-game – if you’re throwing an open rager, create a facebook event with a super witty name (extra points for referencing the lineup) and advertise Jell-O shots and carb-loaded food (if there’s anything college students love, it’s free food). If not, start compiling a list of pre-games to attend so drunk you can’t possibly fuck it up. You will not want to plan further than your pre-games, however; Bacchanal is about going with the flow- if you have the concerts and night planned out, you’re being overly ambitious.
2. Realize you pre-game is too ambitious: Talk about how you’re going to have a mimosa bar, pizza, booze for beer pong, Jell-O shots, champagne, and regular shots. Realize that’s $30/person and decide what you’re going to cut. Also realize there are now somehow 400 people on your guest list and devise a plan to deal with public-safety.
3. Load up: Make a budget for your pregame and buy all the necessary supplies. Duane Reade has large cases of cheep, good-for-pong beer. Pro-Tip: Wherever you buy alcohol, try to avoid the rush- the earlier the better (you’ll get the discounted beer before it runs out)!
4. Vodka Gummies: Vodka gummies require a week to make, so if you haven’t made them yet, you’re better off saving the alcohol and gummies for something else. Pro-tip: the different layers must be clearly divided to prevent them from turning into a mush from the weight of being stacked on top of one another.
5. Weed: Why go drunk when you can go crossed? Even if you’re not a fan of being crossed, it’s nice to have another substance to switch to half-way through the day when the thought of another drink makes you want to vomit. Buy either an eighth of weed or 50+ dollars worth of brownies from your favorite, toothless dealer. (Extra point for making your own brownies. Dorms this works well in: Nussbaum)
6. Jell-O shots: Jell-O shots can take up a lot of space, so you should save this for the night before- they only take 3-4 hours to settle. If you’re feeling adventurous or need some inspiration, here’s Bwog’s favorite. Pro-tip: use plastic cups. Paper ones tend to deteriorate and are awkwardly tall. No store near Columbia sells the plastic dipping-sauce ones so if you haven’t ordered them off Amazon for $7/125 cups yet, just go to Five Guys and steal them.

Day of:

1. 8:30: Wake up and use an online promotion to order 8 boxes of pizza- a couple for you and your friends, and the other 6 boxes for your bidies guests. Start getting ready (wear white if you’re going to Holi, see #3).
2. 9:00-10:30ish: Bagels: Your RAs are supposed to be giving out bagels- they’re basically trying to avoid last year’s shit-show (Way to prove your tolerance to the administration, class of 2016).
3. 11:00: Holi! Taking place outside of EC, this is a surprisingly fun event and totally worth going to! Because of the line-up/how late everything is starting, you’ll have time to shower before the concert if you want. Make sure to dress in white!
4. 10:00am-3:00pm: Pre-game. Say hi to all those friends you haven’t seen in forever, and start crashing random parties as you get more and more drunk.
5. 1:15-6:45: Performances. Pick and choose which ones you go to. When you get bored, grab some food and water from the food trucks/water stations that will be on college walk.
6. 4:15-6:45: Start consuming your weed. Take a nap after the performance.
7. The rest of the day: Not worth planning.
8. Next day: wake up and cry about how Columbia life won’t be that great again till NSLOP/next Bacchanal.

Lovable Drunk via Shutterstock