Finals start in two weeks. Are you ready? Probably not. That’s okay, Bwog isn’t either. Do you like to drink? Of course you do. Here’s a fun way how to drink. Make a game out of it, because drinking is only fun if you are drunk.
The Name of the Game
Assuming your final is actually three hours long, we see you math majors, you will probably be sitting there for around 2-2.5 hours (if you stay the full length you are trying too hard). The goal of this game is to start sipping a drink around 1.5 hours in, and start chugging a bottle 2 hours in. An hour of this and you shouldn’t even remember taking the exam in the first place.
Before your Test
In addition to studying/sleeping/crying before you exam, prepare two Naglene water bottles with drinks of your choice. One bottle should have some sort of hard liquor while the other should be a beer, Mike’s Hard Lemonade or other weakling drink. Here are some suggested combinations:
It’s time to think “beach”
First: Dark n’ Stormy
Second: Dogfish 90 minute (9% alcohol by volume)
You are going to fail this exam anyways
First: Mike’s Hard Lemonade
Second: Smirnoff Ice
Because you are that guy/gal
First: Four Loko
Second: red bull vodka
Need we explain?
While drinking/pretending to remember that chapter you read four hours before, follow these guidelines:
TAKE A SIP IF…
You don’t know how to answer a question.
It’s been more than 5 minutes since you answered a question.
Your hand hurts from writing so much.
TAKE A SHOT IF…
You do know how to answer a question.
You see someone cheating.
You hear someone asking a TA for the answer to a question.
FINISH ONE OF YOUR DRINKS IF…
Your TA catches you drinking.
You spill your drink on your exam.
You see someone crying.