We know you don’t have class today, so how about you fill your head with some wisdom that will stick? Today’s Senior Wisdom is from Gabby Beans, who owns a bouncy castle that we plan on borrowing.


Gabby Beans

Name, Hometown, School, Major: Gabby Beans, CC, Theater & Neuroscience, Hometown = “it’s complicated” because I’m an Army Brat.

Claim to fame: I’m the less influential half of the duo that blessed (/cursed) this community with “1,020”. I do theater as well. I found my niche early by playing a male Nigerian little person freshman year. Since, it’s been a pretty disappointing decline. I can also hum and whistle at the same time.

Where are you going? Right now in this moment I am probably going to Ham Del. More broadly, I am going to acting school in London. Later I plan on having an incredibly happy, successful, and fulfilling life—culminating in the establishment of my own brand of dessert wine a la Nicki Minaj’s “Myx Fusions.”

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2018?

1. Taking an exorbitant amount of credits doesn’t make you awesome it just makes your whole being a wound. The same goes for clubs.

2. Eliminate hate from your life, and don’t complain. As a wise man once said, “look at everybody like they’re a baby…every person you meet, look at them like a golden, million dollar baby.”

3. You should try very hard to find the friend(s) that you will need to live well here. Good friends not only help you to improve, but allow you to change (radically even) without comment or disapproval. Good friends recognize that you’re not a monolithic, unchanging pillar of traits, but a site upon which the narratives, ideas, and events you select collide. If you change your mind for the better and a friend acts shady, saunter confidently away and don’t look back.

“Back in my day…” 4Loko was truly loco. JJ’s Place and Carman lounge were replete with filth and not necessarily prime hangout spots. Freaky things happened in the tunnels because you could get to them and “hearsay” tells me that SIPA roof was a prime spot to impress potential significant others. The line for the mailroom was long, but there wasn’t a line for 1,020 so what does that say about our culture? Wellness was not something anyone talked about and morosity was worn like a badge of honor. I guess it’s still worn like a badge of honor, but people are realizing more and more that it’s not a very cute badge.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I own a bouncy castle.

Write your most memorable note from the field:

Positive: A friend and I somehow ended up in a bathroom with Adam Levine’s wife. She was freaking out because she’s had one too many appletinis and was allergic to nutmeg. She gave me some great life advice in return for the cool compresses I prepared for her. Later I lost some of my clothing and, unfazed, managed to end the night with a slice at Koronet’s. Always wear long coats kids.

Negative: I was waiting outside Tom’s while my friend got fries circa approximately 3 am. A homeless man I’d seen around those parts walked speedily past me. All at once he stopped, backtracking to look me over. After duly assessing my bod, he smiled and simply said, “Not interested.”

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? You can die of hunger, but thirst is a speedier killer.

One thing to do before graduating:

A few suggestions:

Embrace the “No”: Bureaucracy is only annoying if you accept it as a stable, functioning system. If someone here says you can’t do something (like double majoring in Neuroscience and Theater), ask someone else. The answer might also be “no,” but it may be “why the hell not?” This is a big school and you have to be your own advocate. Institutional constructs should not be the limiting factors of your ~dreams~.

Try saying “Hi” to everyone you know or recognize on campus for a whole day. I dare you.

Any regrets? Only God can judge me.