We all have relationship troubles. Some of us are more promiscuous than others which creates problems, and sometimes we aren’t promiscuous enough. Bwog thought these two lost souls go hand in hand and maybe could help each other out. If you work at it we know you can forge the type of relationship you want.
Last month I invited my ex-boyfriend to visit and stay with me this upcoming weekend. We ended things before we both went off to college, but there’s still some chemistry between us. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to see him. But I didn’t necessarily consider the fact that we’re bound to run into some of the guys I’ve hooked up with since being here at, say, a party my friend’s throwing (to which she happened to invite three of my past hookups). How do I avoid World War III from breaking out? What if they want threesomes? HELP
Precociously Promiscuous Person
Experimentation. That’s what college is all about, and it’s fairly unreasonable for 2 people who are not in a relationship to expect one another to remain celibate during college (that’s what long distance relationships are for, and even many of those fail).
In summer 2013, I became very close friends with a girl who I took to my senior prom. We talked increasingly and snapchatted almost every day even as I began college and she was still a senior in high school. I became very interested and she seemed interested too. There was even a moment where I could have made a move, but was too afraid that I’d make things awkward and that we were just friends. She confided a lot in me and I confided in her as well. Just to be sure, we were never more than close friends. Then, this past summer, before she began college, she just stopped talking to me without any explanation as to why. Our last contact was a mere “hey” and smile at synagogue on Yom Kippur.
Any idea what happened? Should I try to strike up a conversation again?’
(A bit old, I know)
Dear Senior-prom-fling romantic,
Meet Precociously Promiscuous Person (PPP). You need to be more like PPP- there’s too many fish in the penis-shaped fountains sea for you to keep doting on the past. People change a lot during college, especially as freshmen, so chances are that the girl you came to know so closely is no longer the same (and vice versa). Though sometimes it may be tempting to reminisce on the bliss of high school romances, you need to be careful not to over-romanticize your past relationship (halo effect?). Before you do anything silly, you need to make sure you actually miss this girl and are not just experiencing sexual anxiety/boredom.
How do you do that? First you should try to put the past behind and appreciate what’s right here at Columbia/Barnard (the guy-to-girl ratio is completely in your favor)—get to know some of the beautiful and talented individuals that surround you. If you start getting serious with another girl and find that your pre-college fling keeps coming to mind, however, you need to be open with this new partner and inform them of the situation. No good can come of building up a new relationship when some old feelings still linger.
If after some time it’s clear you still have feelings for this girl, then we recommend you reach out to her. This, however, needs to be done with caution. Though you may want to immediately proceed down this path, the truth is the odds may not be forever in your favor. Not only do you have to hope this girl similarly wonders about what the two of you could’ve been (which may not be the case given how the two of you have fallen out of contact), but you also have to hope that she is willing to put up with the distance to build up a relationship with you. Though she may once have been more than willing to put up with the difference in lifestyles and distance when she was a senior in high school and you were in college, she may have moved on by now and had a change in attitude towards relationships (as many college students do). Though many students in long-distance relationships put up with schedule conflicts and the difficulty of traveling, few of them go through the “getting-to-know- you” and “courting” phase while apart. Bwog does not know whether or not this will have a significant impact on your relationship, but if you make it this far, you may as well try (can’t really lose anything at that point can you?)!
Though all of this may seem a bit pessimistic, at the end of the day, we’re rooting for you. Despite our seemingly-jaded nature, we still tear up during the Notebook and want our love life to resemble cheesy romcom. As a result, if you really can’t get this girl of your mind, forget the haters, and go for it! If you find yourself growing close to another girl on campus, however, you shouldn’t let this past fling hold you back (as Elsa once said, you should “Let it go”).
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