Really, guys?

A few questions for those at the helm of the University this holiday season. Preferably to mull over during family dinner.

Of President Bollinger, we ask:

• How exactly will Columbia be a “good neighbor” in Manhattanville?
• Will you call the cops on us every time we congregate in groups of three or more?
• How will you create community among students who feel so divided and hurt by their status or identity?—racial, sexual, economic, social, or otherwise?
• How many more students could join the Class of 2018 if we were to direct your $700,000 raise toward financial aid?
• Will you attend any of the spring’s town halls, maybe field a few questions on sexual assault policy at Columbia? We’ve really missed you at the past few town halls!
• Are we global enough for you?

Of President Spar, we ask:

• What’s the point of expending millions on a new library when your students hardly have a place to live?
• Is Barnard’s consideration of trans* students really such a “complicated issue”?
• How likely is it that every Economics major at Barnard might receive an internship with Goldman Sachs? We hear you’ve got connections!
• Could we maybe start a Barnard fund for bikini waxes and blow-outs?
• JJ’s Place? PLEASE?

Questioning_authority_dot_jpeg via Shutterstock.