This girl knows a thing or two about lurv

What time is it? SUMMER TIME! As finals end, we know what’s really on your mind — or who. This summer, get up to get down with these handy summer lovin’ tips brought to you courtesy of Tats.

Dear Tats,

My year has been frigid and now that it’s toasty again, I’m lookin’ for a hot summer romance. What’s the best way for me to go about procuring a summer fling?

Rarin’ For Romance

Dear Rarin’,

It’s great that you’re looking for some action, and boy have I got some tips for you! Quench your thirst this summer with these no-fail strategies, informed by nothing but the finest pop culture references, to meeting the love of your life summer!

1. Heading off to camp? Follow your mother to the camp she cooks for and you too will meet the summer fling of your dreams while canoeing. Not super sure what else happens here, but I’m 95% confident you’ll sing something with a cute person, which is all that really matters.

2. Might not be a “summer fling” per se, but Troy and Gabriella have sure got it goin’ on for two high school-age youths! To achieve this power couple status, lurk your local/Alburquerque country club teen gatherings until someone forces your shy self into the spotlight with that mysterious local teen ;)) . You will inevitably wind up transferring anyway, so get excited for the love of your life~!

3. Looking for a long-distance romance? Jet off to Rome to find your identical twin pop sing diva a la Lizzie McGuire! It’s uncanny, the resemblance — almost like someone just put a dark-tressed wig on you. Note, however, that this fling truly is just a fling; inevitably, he’ll wind up a filthy lipsyncer. So annoying how they do that.

4. Let’s be real, what you really need is a sugar daddy/mama. Look no farther than the best role model in television history, Nate Archibald of Gossip Girl fame. Country clubs seem to be a theme here, but this time seek out the lonely, bored cougar, trapped in a loveless marriage with a penchant for trouble (second winky face). Hopefully she’s rich and will pay you lots. What’s love but a paycheck, anyway?

5. Or take a cue from the real royalty on Gossip Girl, i.e. Blair Cornelia Waldorf, and find yourself a hot eligible literal Prince Charming. He is moneyed, titled, and absolutely personality-less — a real catch! Spend your summer pining away in France as your cuter, funnier, livelier friend sleeps her way through the local bartenders. Never cease in your judgmental ways; your time too will come.

And who knows? According to the Holy Bible AKA Laguna Beach, Summer Can Last Forever. Mayhaps you shall be the new Stephen and Kristen — may your love see no ends.

XOXO,

Tats