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Senior Wisdom: Molly Heller

Molly Heller

Molly Heller

In case one wasn’t enough for you today, here’s another Senior Wisdom! Check out what advice GS/JTS/VShow superstar Molly Heller has to offer.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Molly Heller, GS/JTS, Theatre and Drama Arts (Acting Concentration) at Columbia and Modern Jewish Studies at JTS, Palos Verdes, CA

Claim to fame: Director of the 121st Annual Varsity Show, I crossed 110th Street in the 119th Annual Varsity Show, I was a Super Mail Woman in XMAS, I served for two years as President of List College Student Council (JTS), I don’t sleep, and one time I fell down the steps between Kent and Low.

Where are you going? First, I’ll be putting up my new musical, Mad Girl’s Love Song, at the New York International Fringe Festival. From there, I’ll instantly make millions of dollars, become a household name, and finally get to buy myself that catamaran. And get a kitten.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2019?

1. Don’t sleep. Contrary to popular belief, I love sleep and do lots of it, but if getting a bit less sleep means you get to take advantage of “doing it all,” you should shave off that extra hour. I promise you’ll never leave college empty-handed in either the social, extra-curricular, or academic realms saying, “At least I was well-rested!” You will sleep when you graduate. For now, soak up everything this place has to offer.

2. Seamless can be your best friend or your worst nemesis. Be careful. If you are ordering food with friends, go for it. If it’s by yourself, just go to a dining hall. Food should always be a social experience.

3. Be offended. Dean Awn says (far more eloquently than I will paraphrase) if you exit college without feeling offended on multiple occasions, you’ve made a huge mistake. One of the brilliant parts of being at this school is your direct access to a diverse population of people who don’t all think exactly the same way you do. Listen and engage with other people’s opinions, challenge your thoughts, find new ways to support your ideas, and grow.

“Back in my day…” I put Starbucks drinks in my backpack to smuggle into Butler, Cole Hickman had no hair, Pinkberry had delivery, and Street-Corner-Kevin was always looking out for us JTS-ers in Mathilde Schechter Residence Hall.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: In eighth grade I broke both of my wrists attempting to snowboard for the first time. I was on the bunny slope.

What was your favorite class at Columbia? Favorite class at Columbia was Acting Comedy with Charise Greene (pretty much any acting class with Charise Greene) and my favorite class at JTS (you didn’t ask, but hey, I’m the one imparting wisdom, so back off!) was 12th Century Biblical Exegesis.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I don’t like cheese except for on pizza. So definitely oral sex. Mama loves that Diana pizza!

One thing to do before graduating: Go to office hours at least once with every professor you have and talk about everything but the assignments for the class. Professors are people too. Yes, sometimes they are gods, and that’s cool because one time in office hours I got to chat with my professor while resting on a chaise lounge while T.A.’s fanned us with palm leaves and fed us grapes. So go to office hours and you shall be rewarded… And see the Varsity Show.

Any regrets? Having to ask for an extension on my Senior Wisdom. Other than that, I wish I had gotten even less sleep and soaked up even more experiences from this place.

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  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous “Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I don’t like cheese except for on pizza. So definitely oral sex. Mama loves that Diana pizza!”


  • Curious says:

    @Curious Is street corner kevin a drug dealer??

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous no, he’s our friend. not that being a friend and a drug dealer are mutually exclusive but kevin is merely a friend.

  • Please Sleep... says:

    @Please Sleep... Not sleeping is very bad advice… please, stay well-rested, columbia.

  • Ric says:

    @Ric Why are all the senior wisdoms Barnard, GS, or JTS students? CC is by far the largest and oldest division of undergrads at the university. Could get more CC students please.

    1. Maybe says:

      @Maybe none of them are wise

    2. !!!! says:

      @!!!! what about SEAS

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous GO MOLLY!!!!

  • Holy shit says:

    @Holy shit Back in my day: “Cole Hickman had no hair”


  • BC 2015 says:

    @BC 2015 Molly, you’re super awesome but like, people have to sleep. Class of 2019, it’s totally awesome to do lots of things, and you’ll do them all so much better if you’re well rested.

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