The time for Senior Wisdoms has come again! Every winter we post les Wisdoms des Seniors from students who are graduating in December, providing them with one last chance to feel appreciated before they become the underlings of whichever industry they pursue. However, due to this abominable weather, it feels just like May so there’s really no difference between these seniors and their counterparts who will graduate in 5 months. On that note, we present our first Wise Senior: Juno McCallum.
Name, School, Major, Hometown: Juno McCallum, BC ’16, English and creative writing, Tucson, AZ
Claim to fame: In order to preserve my Aura of Mystery, I try to avoid notoriety. I’m a bartender, a writing fellow, and that hottie in your seminar who shaves her head three times a semester. I’m also the Censor for the Philolexian Society, Columbia’s oldest lit society. We debate ridiculous, absurd resolutions every Thursday at 8:30 in Lerner and are not a cult.
Where are you going? I wanna sit under my own vine and fig tree, a moment alone in the shade, at home in this nation we’ve made, one last time. I hope the faults of incompetent abilities will be consigned to oblivion, as I myself must soon be to the mansions of rest.
What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2019?
- Navigating the bureaucracy is a game of attrition; they’re hoping you’ll give up before they do. I can’t tell you how many times I was told that graduating early just “wasn’t done anymore,” or how candles “aren’t permitted” the residence halls, or how I should really “come down from that roof right now, young woman.” Don’t let ’em win.
- Remember to take care of your friends. Remember to take care of yourself just as much. Remember that you deserve to be here.
- Do your goddamn dishes.
Back in my day… Let’s take a look at the archive:
Apparently morton williams is an internet hotspot??? Brb guys gonna go study in the grocery store
— djuno (@juno_rae) September 25, 2012
New favorite hobby is sitting in the dining hall and watching people try to parallel park
— djuno (@juno_rae) September 15, 2012
MY BED IS THE LEAST COMFORTABLE THING IN THE WORLD IT'S LIKE SLEEPING ON A CARDBOARD BICYCLE
— djuno (@juno_rae) October 25, 2012
today my astronomy lab consisted of microwaving cheese
— djuno (@juno_rae) January 29, 2013
Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: For my creative writing thesis, I managed to receive credit for writing a science fiction novella about queer space pirates.
What was your favorite class at Columbia? Prof. Kim Hall’s Worlds of Ntozake Shange, any writing seminar with Jenny Boylan (love of my life). All the best classes are at Barnard.
Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’m bisexual so that means I am legally obligated to pick both.
One thing to do before graduating: Visit all eighteen libraries on campus at least once. Find your own favorite spot. In NYC, the best things happen because you’re not looking for them. Just go out, be in the city, and you’ll inevitably stumble onto something weird and delightful. The other night I was at a bar with my friend when suddenly the DJ turned off all the music and switched all the TVs over to an episode of Top Chef. Turns one of the contestants on the show was there in the bar with her wife and all their friends, celebrating the premiere–we’d just stumbled onto their party, but ended up cheering with the whole crowd every time our chef appeared on screen. Just go out, be in the city, and you’ll inevitably find yourself in the middle of something weird and delightful.
Not getting Hamilton tickets.
Wasting so much time and energy trying to change how my brain works, when I could have been figuring out the best ways to cooperate with it instead.
Phoenix-like photo provided by Juno McCallum