At Bwog, we specialize in shit-posting

We the people of Bwog aren’t exactly known for our ability to carefully make decisions…after all, just look at how we spend our weekends? This paucity becomes especially apparent during our pitch meetings, when we come up with our posts for the week. In this piece, our staff recount some of their favorite article ideas that never made it to our site.

Shots In Butler

In this piece, we were going to go around Butler during study days and finals week with handles of Fireball, Vodka, and Tequila, and hand them out to people who just looked absolutely miserable. All would have been well if we had: (A) enough staff old enough to legally carry out this task without getting arrested, (B) left-over handles from our December Drinking With Bwog, (C) motivation during finals week.

Best shut-down quote from the pitch meeting: “This sounds like it’s about guns”

Campus Figures As Bowls Of Water

Here, we were tempted to mimic the Buzzfeed post about Disney Princesses reimagined as lukewarm bowls of water. Instead of Disney Princesses, though, we thought it would be funny to do with CCSC members. This would have been maybe acceptable if we were another semi-well-known campus news blog, but we’re not. Ultimately, the idea was shut down after we realized our Photoshop subscription had just expired.

Best shut-down quote from the pitch meeting: “We can’t do this. Peter Bailinson would be too flattered”

Break From Springs

Idea: A post welcoming Columbia’s student body back from Spring Break, or as it says on the academic calendar, Spring “Recess,” except it wouldn’t have made any sense, because it would’ve been written entirely about actual springs, the spring constant k, and one’s experience with different kinds of springs. Borderline danger Bwog.

Best shut-down quote from the pitch meeting: “This is way too Late Nite Bwog”

Deantini/DSpar Fan Fic

This post would have been similar to our ever-so-popular Roaree the Lion/Millie the Bear fan fiction. Bottom line, we felt uncomfortable writing about two well-known campus figures in such a compromising imagined situation. Instead, we just saved it to our fanfiction.net account.

Best shut-down quote from the pitch meeting: “Deantini got lost on his own campus. Could you imagine him trying to navigate Barnard’s?”

An Interview With The Tarp-Layers

In the most cocktease way possible, Columbia kept the lawns open all of first semester, which was ground-breaking (pun intended) for basically every non-first-year student on campus. Last semester, Bwog was ready to embrace the tarps with open arms since around Fall break. But they never came. How were we supposed to do an interview with the head Groundskeeper in charge of Tarp-Laying if the tarps were never going to be laid?

Best shut-down quote from the pitch meeting: “Why don’t we just enjoy our time left with the lawns instead of writing about the fucking tarps?”

Anything About Dunkin’ Donuts

We’ve had too many pitches about this sub-par Northeastern coffee(?) breakfast(?) bakery(?) shop come up in our meetings: “Getting Free Dunkin’ Via Tinder,” “Why MoHi Needs A Dunkin’ Donuts,” and “How Dunkin’ Donuts Coffee Boldly Undermines The 1%.” We’re pretty divided amongst staff on this topic, so stay tuned, because some of these ideas might actually make it to our website soon.

Best shut-down quote from the pitch meeting: “Not everyone’s like you and ejaculates whenever they see a Dunkin’ Donuts”