Who needs a gym when you have the Lerner ramps?

If you wanted to work out more this semester, you probably aren’t doing it. Whether you started a routine in the fall (and let it dwindle into sporadic exercise attempts by finals) or made regular raises in heart rate your New Year’s resolution, chances are, you haven’t even remotely met your goals. And, really, can anyone blame you? Between the cold temperatures and the icy roads, doing anything outside is a recipe for disaster. Dodge might seem an attractive option at first, but unless you’re prepared for harsh judgment, serious questioning of your self-confidence, and ruthless battles for treadmills, it might not be for you. And the Barnard weight room is, more often than not, blocked by construction these days.

With all of these problems in mind, Bwog has compiled a list of ways you can work out inside various buildings on campus. These workouts are easy, close by, and free – all you have to do is ignore the stares of anyone wondering what the hell you’re doing. (Or, for the more self-conscious among you: do these workouts at 3am.)

1. Do sprints on the Lerner ramps.

This one is fairly self-explanatory: just walk all the way up the Lerner ramps, then sprint back down. For the braver (or more in shape), you can sprint up, then jog down. Maybe even consider adding some squats or lunges to the routine. And then, once you’re done, reward yourself with a slice of Ferris pizza.

2. Open and close the Diana Center doors.

This workout option has numerous advantages in addition to your personal health and fitness. First, the opening and closing of Diana Center doors helps power the building, so your hard work might save the electricity required to power an entire light fixture. And second, the people walking in and out (for whom you can graciously hold the door) will think you’re the nicest person they’ve ever met. (Bonus: once you’re done with Diana, go try to open the John Jay handicap door without pressing the button.)

3. Register for a class on Hamilton 7.

This is an obvious choice, perhaps – but why should you bother taking gym when you can get the same amount of exercise by walking up twelve flights of stairs to your class twice a week? If you really want exercise, register for an intro Russian class; they meet on Hamilton 7 four times a week. And, for an extra challenge, try to get up there just by climbing the railings.

4. Do yoga in your lounge.

What, those people trying to study? They don’t need to concentrate. They can just watch you do several sun salutations and attempt the crow pose ten times in a row. Better yet: play your relaxing yoga music while you stretch.

5. Sprint across Broadway with three seconds left on the “walk” light.

This workout is not for the faint of heart – the looming threat of oncoming traffic presents both initiative to run faster and a warning of the consequences of your failure to do so. But, to its credit, it does give you ready-made breaks in between lights.

6. Weight-lift with your textbooks.

This workout is low-stress and high-intelligence. It hasn’t been proven that you can learn through osmosis by holding your bio textbook aloft for a few minutes yet, but you might as well give it a shot, right?

7. Run back and forth between Deantini’s two offices.

As you may recall, Bwog discovered last semester that Deantini has two offices, one on the second floor of Hamilton and one on the fifth floor of Havemeyer. Running between the two will take you across campus, up and down stairs, and give you good opportunity to practice your people-dodging. (Bonus: try to catch him using the Havemeyer office.)

8. Push the Tooth on the Amsterdam overpass.

When people ask what you’re doing, claim that you’re making a symbolic statement about the pointlessness of existence, then quote the Tomorrow speech from Macbeth. Engineers will leave you alone, and English majors might be inspired to write poems about you.

9. Squat while sliding flyers underneath first-year doors for your protest on college walk.

With each squat, practice a potential argument for why that first-year should come to your protest. If you run out of arguments before your thighs start begging for mercy, you might want to reconsider your plans for next Saturday.

10. Run laps around the Barnard quad.

As you may know, the four buildings in the Barnard quad are all connected inside on the upper floors, giving you the exciting opportunity to run laps in a cycle: Sulz, Reid, Brooks, Hewitt, and so on. This track might even be longer than the track at Dodge, so it’s perfect for long distance training. (Bonus: sing along to the Hamilton soundtrack while you run. You’ll probably make new friends this way.)

11. Practice your wind tunnel survival skills on your walk to West Campus dorms.

Who needs a wind tunnel when you have Claremont Avenue? The gusts of wind rolling in from the Hudson will be so strong, at times, you might feel like you’re walking in place. However, this workout is an excellent one for those of you too lazy to actually start running. Plus, you can think of it as metaphorical practice for arguing with your CC professor.

12. Run up and down Low Steps trying to photobomb every tourist selfie.

This workout is possibly the most challenging on the list, especially if you choose to do it on a warm day while a foreign tour group is visiting. But don’t lose heart! Bwog believes in you! Not only can you push your face into every tourist selfie in the vicinity of Low Library, you can make a different funny face in each one.

13. Schermerhorn.

You don’t need to take a class in Schermerhorn for this workout. In fact, you don’t even need to go there. All you have to do is look at the word. The mental exertion it takes to spell it probably burns at least six calories all by itself.

The best way to ramp up your workout via Columbia’s website