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Senior Wisdom: Eva Kalikoff

Eva Kalikoff (1)Still scribbling out her thesis, Barnard senior and “self-hating Jew” Eva Kalikoff took a few minutes to share some thoughts about activism, sushi, and Senior Scramble. Let her wisdom blow you away, and peruse our library of knowledge at your leisure. 

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Eva Kalikoff, Barnard College, Comparative Literature, Hastings-on-Hudson, NY

Claim to fame: I spent a lot of time shouting about separating zionism from Judaism, both on College Walk and Facebook. I created a Jewish community for people with dissenting opinions on Israel, while simultaneously being called a Nazi and a self-hating Jew by parents who should not be allowed on the internet and my beloved fellow classmates at this glorious elitist institution (@Kraft Center what’s good???). I tweeted angrily throughout the 600 fire of 2015, which quickly squashed the possibility for realizing any culinary ambitions that involved an oven, and also saw the end of Ollie’s (RIP MSG in everything). I started as an idealistic Spec City News reporter with ambitions of Managing Board glory. Instead, I watched that corporatized ship sink in front of me. I learned a lot about local politics and Community Board 7 along the way, though.

Where are you going? Get back to me after I’ve turned in my thesis.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2020?

  1. Milano sells sushi half price after 10:00PM! Get there right at 10:00 though, or you’ll be left with only cucumber rolls.
  2. Columbia is a black hole of bureaucratic obstacles and capitalist greed. Barnard is a little bit better than that. (@DSpar, please remove yourself from the Board of Goldman Sachs).
  3. There are meninists among us and they don’t always stay in their frat houses where they belong.

“Back in my day…” If you wanted to completely clear out your intestinal tract, you ate a UNI café sandwich.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer. I am a mother to all who know me.

What was your favorite class at Columbia? American Literature Post-1945 with Margaret Vandenburg at Barnard. Really anything with Margaret Vandenburg. Vandenburg for President of the world.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I would call my experiences with Camembert fairly sexual.

One thing to do before graduating: Potluck’s Subway Party. There is literally nothing better than scream-singing on the train all the way to Coney Island, skinny dipping with a couple hundred of your closest friends, and dodging vomiting first years on the ride back.

Any regrets? I wish that I had matched with all of the members of Aryeh’s e-board who I listed for senior scramble :(

PEACE LOVE AND PALESTINIAN RIGHT OF RETURN

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16 Comments

  • LOVE U says:

    @LOVE U LOVE U EVA DONT LEAVE

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous you remember that the kraft center condemned those remarks, right?

  • alum says:

    @alum you are cool. good luck to you!

  • Arafat says:

    @Arafat MARRY ME

  • eva fan says:

    @eva fan omg eva i love you

    1. eva fan says:

      @eva fan i laughed out loud at the oral sex/cheese response

      1. another 1 says:

        @another 1 ya there’s a special link in #3

  • lol says:

    @lol “Instead, I watched that corporatized ship [Spec] sink in front of me. ” REKT

  • i don't know you says:

    @i don't know you but you seem very genuinely cool and nice keep on doing the good stuff

  • yas says:

    @yas ” I started as an idealistic Spec City News reporter with ambitions of Managing Board glory. Instead, I watched that corporatized ship sink in front of me” . samez… ily Eva don’t graduate.

  • hillel member says:

    @hillel member i don’t eva that well, but i’m glad she’s here on campus. even though i disagree with her about zionism, i think she’s one of the few activists here who at least respect those with whom they disagree.

  • specsucks says:

    @specsucks specsucks. you were always too cool for it, Eva!

  • bieberhole69 says:

    @bieberhole69 Marry me and feed me matzo brei er’y morning.

  • Chamber of Milano Secrets says:

    @Chamber of Milano Secrets If you wait until 3:30 or so (after the lunch rush), they will also sell you two or three of those premade sandwiches for $10 total

  • Another Barnard Eva says:

    @Another Barnard Eva You are da bomb girl. Met you briefly, bonded over our shared name. After that small meeting, you always said hey when I walked by which automatically made me like you but this post makes me appreciate you.

    Visit Barnard often!

  • @Canelo vs Khan Nice post like it. thanks

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