You meet a cute guy in your class. You introduce yourself, talk casually about the class, and hope that you don’t expel verbal vomit. The conversation continues as you continue to talk after class, joke about the professor and complain about the work load. You become suspicious of your present circumstances as the universe appears to be working in your favor. Everything goes well until he drops the smallest but most crucial detail. Your first-year hopes shatter as he drops the nuke of all nukes:
He’s a GS student.
GS is a mixed bag. Whether they are fresh out of high school or 35 and married with three kids, there needs to be a way to figure out the only important question: How old are they? Bwog is here to help out the entire Columbia community with some hard hitting calculations!
Let’s start with the average undergraduate college age: 20.
If they have grey hair, come in late to class, or are drinking out of a flask, just stop now. If they’re not a lifelong learner, they are way too old. Take a hike.
If they call you “kid,” add five years.
If they have eaten in Hewitt, subtract four years.
If they surround themselves with younger looking people, it’s a trap: add three years.
Can you see them playing the role of a high schooler in a CW TV show? Add ten years.
If they mention high school exams, or high school in general, subtract five years.
Do they explain their tattoos with a detailed and painful backstory? Add three years.
If they’ve served in the military: thank them for their service and add six years.
What’s hiding in that thick (and impressive) beard of theirs? Ten years. Add them.
If they have been CAVA’d: subtract three years.
You can trust our accuracy: Bwog has been crunching numbers for years. If you are still not satisfied with your results, you could just ask how old they are.
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