Written by Idris O’Neill, BC ’21
Year after year, we see the same slew of hastily thrown together, tired frat boy costumes and lazily constructed black cat outfits with makeup borrowed from your suitemate. It’s time to throw away your prop red solo cup, pastel shorts, and backwards caps and really step your game up. What’s a creative, CU-relevant costume you can rock this Halloween? Unfortunately, Bwog doesn’t have the answer to this. But what we do have are some suggestions of what not to do.
WALL STREET HUSBAND
What’s scarier: the men’s sports teams of Columbia dominating Hewitt during Meatless Monday or how much Barnard hates unions? Trick question – they’re both terrifying but only one is a plausible Halloween costume commentating on the campus’s political climate. This Halloween, opt for something less heavy-handed. The wound of DSpar is too fresh.
THE TENSION ON CAMPUS DURING ISRAELI WEEK
As terrifying as this one is, it’s not exactly the most pleasant thing to rock at an EC party. And it’s certainly not the kind of thing you want to discuss three cups into the mysterious Halloween-themed punch. Rejected for being too controversial. Also not tangible.
A COLUMBIA BOY WEARING A BARNARD SWEATER
The verdict still isn’t out on whether these are the sweetest boys on campus or if it’s just a subculture of the Columbia Sad Boy subculture (just wearing the Barnard crewneck of the girl you’ve been hooking up with and will proceed to ghost next weekend). Whether you’re a fan of this developing trend or vehemently opposed, it’s just not exciting enough. Bonus points though if you can create a couples costume with artsy Barnard girls – the only girls who will fuck them.
This Halloween, please put away your white hoods and tiki torches or whatever it is CUCR members choose to wear in their downtime. Try some of Columbia’s other endorsed racists instead, like Alexander Hamilton or Thomas Jefferson. Rationalize all of your bad decisions this weekend with your right to say and do whatever you want without repercussions – that is, unless you protest white nationalists.
Taping cardboard to yourself and calling it a day is lazy. We get it – the pizza’s wack and only mildly improved by the recent appearance of red pepper flakes. But you’ve got to give it to the staff of Ferris for being the friendliest ones out there. Be sure to save them a treat from your Halloween shenanigans.
A COLUMBIA STUDENT
Seriously, stop wearing your gear on campus. We know what school you go to and we know how much you’re willing to spend to look the way you do. Honestly, retire the gear you wear 364 days of the year and finally throw that thing in the wash. Take it to the next level and finally hit up a bar that isn’t 1020 or Mel’s.
Lines that take forever via Columbia Dining