We’ve all been there. You’re peacefully sleeping on a Saturday morning when suddenly, the sonic pits of hell are opened as the fire alarm lining your hallway rings off. Hesitant at first, you contemplate staying in bed and waiting it out yet decide to head downstairs just in case. As you come outside, all of your hall (in theory) is there, a sudden halt from their activities.
Here is a fun game to play when your tired ass has to sit around with hundreds of other people you probably rarely see in the first place. The objective is simple – every time you see this person being described, add the number of points associated with them. Find the grand total, and look at the distribution at the bottom to see how you did!
THE DRUNK/HIGH GROUP:
The people that probably pushed the alarm in the first place. You can immediately tell they’re drunk/high by their demeanor – while everyone is tired and angry over the alarm, they’re fucking laughing. This is more of a free card then anything – add (1) point for every drunk/high person you see during this drill on a Friday or Saturday, but add (4) points for every person on a school night.
THE PERSON THAT WAS IN THE SHOWER:
You’ve seen this person, because they have to let everyone within a 20-foot radius of them know that they were showering when the alarm went off. Often touting a bathrobe or a towel, make sure to avoid their presence unless you want to hear about how they still have shampoo in their hair for 15 mins. Add (3) points for every person who is dripping water onto the floor and screaming to the world about the injustice of the shower being cut short.
THE UPTIGHT STUDIER:
Maybe tonight was their night off to ”relax” and study in their room instead of Butler, but when they come down from their room, they most likely have books or a problem set in their hands. When asked why, responses may include that “they’re going to get a 3.95 instead of a 4.0 if they don’t study” or that “the LSATs are 238 weeks away and there’s no time to stop.” Add (3) points for every studier you see, with an extra (1) point for every time they tell you their GPA is dropping because of this.
THE PERSON WHO BRINGS ALL OF THEIR SLEEPING ITEMS:
This person thinks that a fire alarm will close off the building for a whole 48 hours, so they bring every sleeping object they have down: pillows, blankets, comforters, and their favorite stuffed animal. They seek refuge on the cold floor outside, or in the lobby of the building, on a good day. While these are the people you want to befriend during a zombie apocalypse, you do not want to be the friend of the person with all of their shit in the lobby. Add (2) points for every piece of sleeping gear you see in the lobby.
THE COUPLE HAVING SEX:
This couple was most definitely getting it on beforehand. Signs of this happening include the couple holding hands on the way down or looking a little too disheveled when there. Add (10) points for every couple that shows a bit of angst being together yet still wants to let you know that they were with each other (probably doin’ the do) right when the alarm went off.
ALL OF YOUR PREVIOUS HOOKUPS:
Nothing says fire alarms as much as seeing every single person you’ve hooked up with in your building. You haven’t seen so many of your previous hookups since the last frat or EC party that you’ve been to. The awkward nod of acknowledgment can luckily be blamed on the drowsiness of being abruptly woken up, but nonetheless, these brutal encounters are worth noting. Add (5) points for every person you see who you’ve done the nasty with.
THE PERSON WHO WEARS THEIR CLOTHES TO SLEEP:
Look. I’m all here for saving time in the morning. But wearing your clothes for the next day is not a move that I will be making anytime soon. This person was trying to hide the fact that the jeans and t-shirt they tucked themselves into bed with were the same outfit worn the day before, or even worse, what they were planning on wearing that day. Add (5) points for every fully-dressed person who looks like they just woke up in those clothes.
The most annoying breed of them all. Needing some clout from their friends back home in the middle of nowhere, Kansas, this person decided it was necessary to post numerous Snapchats on their story to prove that their life is somewhat interesting, despite the fact that (1) it was not their doing, and (2) hundreds of other students are also experiencing the same thing. Add (2) points for every item posted onto their story.
0-10 points: You were probably still sleepy and did not see enough people to account for these groups, or just live in a really boring dorm. With a little experience and practice, your numbers will rise!
11-20 points: You definitely made an effort to catch these groups, but only seemed to find a few people. Pay closer attention next time and you will be golden!
21-30 points: You are a master of the fire drill! All these people annoy you in the first place, and seeing so many of them in the middle of the night probably accentuates this. Try not to let them get to you!
31+ points: You probably woke up an hour ago (thanks circadian rhythm) or were wide awake when it happened, so all of these groupings were very clear. Go get some sleep!
Fire in the hole via Recycled Image