Justin Vernon of Bon Iver, here pictured in the depths of heterosexual angst.

The weather’s been sad and gray for the past few days, and Bwog’s been feelin’ so gosh-darn blue. We were trying to come up with a way to channel this Big Sadboi Mood™, when someone got the idea to pool all of our loose change together and use it to hire Bon Iver to write us a sad song. Below is the result of that $10.32, perfect for listening to whilst staring out of a window and wondering where it all went wrong. Without further ado: “Skinny Bwog.”

Come on, skinny Bwog, just last the year
Pitch to us tonight, meeting time is here
My my my, my my my, my, my
Staring at the table of snacks and WordPress gear
I tell my Bwog to write it all
Quit the job at Spec that you got last fall
My my my, my my my, my, my
Right in this moment, don’t have to stall

And I told you: Lerner 510
And I told you it’s at 9
And I told you we have snacks too
And I’ll tell you just what kind:
And in the evening we’ll eat green grapes
Oh so crisp and fresh and fine
And I’ll be holding all the pitches
And you’ll be writing your bylines…

Come on, skinny Bwog, what happened here?
A campus publication without peer
My my my, my my my, my, my
Sullen load is full, so slow on the ramps

And I told you: Lerner 510
And I told you it’s at 9
And I told you we have snacks too
And I told you just what kind
And now all your humor’s wasted
And then who the hell was I?
And I’m shouting for your pitches
And at the end of the headline…

Who will rush Bwog?
Who will write?
Who will edit what comes from your mind?

(Up next: a Butler-themed remix of “Re: Stacks“)

Sadboi Iver by Moses Namkung via Wikimedia Commons.