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Dark Nights Of The (Kitchenless) Housing Soul

A board depicting the available suites remaining in Hogan, Watt, and Woodbridge Halls. All of the rooms are taken.

available dorms for living include:

Dark Nights capture the worst feelings that come across campus. Sure, finals are bad, but have you ever tried picking housing? Continuing our tradition from 2016, we present the funniest, weirdest, and most depraved moments from the 2018 in-person housing lottery, as captured via our six days of liveblogging.

Wrong Expectations:

  • Day 1, 4:28 pm: Awkward silence after group realizes that there won’t be any stoves or ovens in EC townhouses. “I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW!”
  • Day 5, 11:38 am: yall if you think mcbain is gonna be like carman, you’re in for a NASTY surprise
  • Day 5, 12:38 pm: “I thought my Carman double was like 170 square feet, turns out it was like 220 square feet… so I think the room I just selected is a lot smaller than I thought it was”

Sad Days:

  • Day 3, 4:37 pm: Carlton Arms 7A four person suite taken by 1957 “I have missed 40 minutes of CC and I’m fucking going to throw up because I’m so stressed”
  • Day 5, 9:27 am: “you guys don’t look very happy!” – housing, to the first lottery group that just walked in
  • Day 4, 12:19 pm: “It’s kind of like Woodbridge dorms, but shittier.” -future Nuss residents
  • Day 5, 2:34 pm: Carlton Arms 7a taken by a 6-person group that’s “ready to walk”
  • Day 6, 9:48 am: I express my condolences for the sad looking freshman pair that just picked into wien
  • Day 6, 10:35 am: McBain 524 and 525 picked up by 2267 – “How do you feel about your choice?” “Sad.

Our Relationship with Spec is… Unconventional:

  • Day 1, 9:08 am: It’s 25 minutes before housing selection begins! The staff is hard at work at getting the NYC-themed John Jay Lounge ready for you! Also, spec is not here yet 👀
  • Day 1, 9:46 am: can someone knock on spec’s door and tell them to wake up and come to housing selection, we kinda miss those nerds
  • Day 1, 11:21 am: Gave a couple “fuck spec” stickers to the speccies, to add to the collection in their office
  • Day 2, 9:20 am: @spec wya
  • Day 2, 3:19 pm: Speccie refuses to tell us OR spec what he picked into
  • Day 3, 9:29 am: Speaking of showing up on time, Spec’s not here yet
  • Day 4, 12:40 pm: moment of solidarity with spec over how fucking awkward that was
  • Day 6, 12:25 pm: speccie walked up, thinking we were the spec table. no, just bwog

Good Vibes in a Sea of Bad Thoughts:

  • Day 1, 9:38 am: We asked how they felt about being the first group to pick; they said, “It was the only good thing that’s ever happened to me in my life.”
  • Day 3, 1:25 pm: mood for my own housing next year: a girl who just jumped up and down smiling and cheering (shoutout to my sweet suitemates in plimpton)
  • Day 3, 1:50 pm: watt 4B to 1673. “We’re happy about it because it’s right where you don’t get rats but do get sunlight.”
  • Day 3, 3:03 pm: Ruggles 301-307 chosen by 1994, feeling happy “our rooms are small but our hearts are big”
  • Day 5, 3:56 pm: spotted: a very optimistic group of rising sophs. they’re literally jumping w glee



  • Day 1, 1:31 pm: EC H804 taken: “I’m not that excited, it’s just a place to live”
  • Day 2, 3:43 pm: “that’s okay, I’ll just put a carpet over the carpet. it’s just a few beer stains…”
  • Day 2, 4:22 pm: “Nothing could be as bad as McBain”
  • Day 5, 3:30 pm: “It has 2 windows” because when you’re 1823 that’s all you can really hope for
  • Day 6, 10:42 am: “I don’t really like sunlight anyway.” -reaction to getting shafted
  • Day 6, 12:05 pm: that group said they were really excited, but their shrugs said otherwise

The Biggest of Moods:

  • Day 1, 10:59 am: Anyone in fro sci right now? Send notes to tips at pls
  • Day 1, 2:25 pm: “time just kinda passes in a void during housing selection… I haven’t even looked at twitter all day”
  • Day 2, 9:32 am: dude with Slytherin cape and his posse claimed a clairmont suite
  • Day 3, 1:04 pm: poll for new tagline for this entire housing process based on people we’re running into: “messy” or “could’ve been worse”
  • Day 3, 2:10 pm: group just passed by that didn’t even know what building they wanted to pick into. what a mood
  • Day 5, 1:07 pm: a new McBain resident: “I should have taken Klonopin before, not after”
  • Day 6, 10:13 am: Bwog: “Are you going back to sleep now?” Student, in robe and slippers: “Nah, I have class.”
  • Day 6, 9:36 am: As compared to the energy of the first day of senior selection, today is… dead

Thoughtful and Weird:

  • Day 1, 2:59 pm: The guy taking the small single was surprisingly optimistic. “It’s 81 square feet,” his friend pointed out, “which is one more square foot than the legal minimum for a prison cell.”
  • Day 3, 12:48 pm: Hookup culture is capitalist, right?
  • Day 4, 9:40 am: “Thought we would have had a greater chance of quantum tunneling through the wall than getting a suite”
  • Day 4, 11:44 am: “we go to columbia. I’d live in a fucking closet if I had to.” (THIS GOT A TON OF CLAPS)
  • Day 5, 1:13 pm: “look, if you’re cool with my geckos and fish, then I’m cool with rooming”
  • Day 5, 4:24 pm: Group just wandered out of the cage, told us they’re doing a “weird thing,” a “maneuver,” and then went back in. ????

All housing is cancelled via Bwog Staff

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