Professors have all break to think of a perfect first impression. Yet, they all choose to say this stuff. Here are the weirdest things we heard from week one of classes, in our bi-annual opening remarks post.
Guy Cohen, Intro to Stat Reasoning: [referring to himself] “Just a 74-year-old pervert!”
Zoe Crossland, Sci & Art in Archaeological Illustration: You may notice it’s a bit smelly in here. That’s because I’ve got a raccoon skeleton soaking in bleach over there.”
Michelle Smith, Intro to Political Theory: “It’s standing room only in here. I feel like Beyoncé!”
Seyhan Erden, Econometrics: “Students don’t like my section more than others because I’m funny. Students don’t like my section because I give high grades. Actually, I don’t know why students like my section at all.”
Umoor Khan, Financial Accounting: “Wouldn’t an accounting olympiad be fun? They have a physics olympiad, why not accounting?”
Elisheva Carlebach, Medieval Jewish Cultures: “He throws an absolutely enormous party! A party of Trumpian proportions!”
Paul Levitz, The American Graphic Novel: “When I was done with that gig, I went to some schools who were doing some interesting publishing and said ‘I’m weird. Can you use me?’ Columbia was foolish enough to say ‘We love weird.'”
Jeremy Forster, CC: “I can’t save anyone’s life. I don’t even know CPR.”
David Kipping, Another Earth: [upon coming to a slide with a meme from the Star Wars prequels on it] “Ah yes, here is my meme.”
David Rios, Introduction to Stats: “You’ve got to find a [study] method that works good for you and then club it like a baby seal”
@Anonymous We need to lower the driving, drinking and voting age to fourteen but ban voting, teaching, driving or home ownership over seventy to prevent further Trumps and Brexits.