Why is this year’s Glass House Rocks theme….so sad?
The Facebook description of this year’s Glass House Rocks event, themed “Welcome to the Fish Bowl,” begins its convincing marketing pitch to students with the ever-uplifting line: “‘We’re just 27,942 lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year.’ Living in a fishbowl can be rough, but it also means there’s plenty to see […] We’ll also be auctioning off a free flight from United just in case you feel the need to make your escape.”
Mmph yes, that classic Columbia cheer, as inspiring as the thought that PrezBo’s near $170,000-a-week salary could feed a large family in need for a year. Seriously, as the Bwog staffer writing this piece happens to double as an RA on campus, this event description begs several questions. First off, are the organizers of the event, like, OK??? Like really, truly OK?? Do they need a wellness check??
But like every good Columbia administrative email rattling off a bullet point list of near-defunct resources, we’re going to ignore the mental health issues clearly at play here and instead turn to the obviously more effective solution to all this melancholy: the chance to offer free Insomnia cookies to the student body!
Yes, that’s right, we here at Bwog came up with a list to beat the woe, glad the sad, doom the gloom, and turn that frown upside down with our own list of some more exciting, cheerful 2019 Glass House Rocks themes:
- Glasses by Warby Parker
- Kiss My Glass
- It’s This American Life, I’m Ira Glass
- Glasstnost and Perestroika
- (People who live in) Glass House(s shouldn’t throw) Rocks
- Glass-tonbury, CT
- Through the Looking Glass
- Any of these rhyming variations:
- Glass Mouse Socks
- Glass Faux Pas
- Glass Louse Jocks
- Or these:
- Glass from the Past
- Glass of Times Past
- Past Glass
- Glass Past
- Pass the Past Glass