Today’s personals include our lovely Sports Editor, Jana, and her legume-loving friend, Clara. If you’re looking for a running partner or a rugby competitor, you’ve come to the right place! If you’re interested, email us at email@example.com.
Name, Year, School, Major: JJ, 2022, Barnard, Precarious Neuroscience Major
Preference: She’s straight.
Hometown: Shanghai, China but colonizer of Downingtown, Pennsylvania.
Your nightmare date in seven words or fewer: “Rugby is wannabe football.”
What redeems you as a human being? If you’re looking for someone absolutely intolerable, you’ve found your lass. Along with being lactose intolerant, Jana is the worst human being on this side of Morningside Park. Hah, goteem. She has the kindest smile in the whole entire world and will always validate your existence with her kindness.
Library room of choice: Library? Please, Jana is no plebeian. Her best academic cranks are performed in the so-called Stinky Lounge, aka Sulz 8 Lounge.
Beverage of choice and why: Cold, Cold Water (Major Lazer, 2016).
If you had to eat one meal from a dining hall for the rest of your life what would that be? First of all, Hewitt. Second of all, chicken parmesan. Chicken: well breaded. Sauce: lots of it. Cheese? Dear god, no…we don’t promote Lactaid here. She may have a steamed vegetable, no salt. 8 oz plastic glass filled with Cold, Cold Water (Major Lazer, 2016). Perhaps, at the end of this meal…a slice of mediocre chocolate cake. Not guaranteed.
Where can you usually be found on a Saturday night? On a Saturday night, there is an incredibly high probability of finding Jana at E! café, aka the board game café right next to Dig Inn. Will she be playing chess? Yes. Will she be losing? Highly probable. In either case, she will be having the time of her life, singing and dancing, and not-so-secretly wishing she had friends to karaoke with. One day, Jana. One day.
Historical Hottie: Linus Pauling. Hybridization.
Name, Year, School, Major: Clara Levrero, 2022, Barnard, Aspiring Chemistry Novelist
Preference: Men ;).
Hometown: Simply an Italian girl raised in a Massachusetts world.
Your nightmare date in seven words or fewer: Evening with the thief of her red Stabilo pencil case (see Barnard Facebook page for missing person’s file).
What redeems you as a human being? Fitness level one billion: this girl’s idea of a fun afternoon is a run in Morningside. Please join her because she has been to approximately zero Road Runners gatherings.
Library room of choice: If not found in the stinky lounge (aka Sulz 8), Clara will be working intently in the quiet comfort of sweet, sweet Hewitt.
Beverage of choice and why: Does not drink liquids…sorry, I guess??? ONLY fat-free yogurt for this gal.
If you had to eat one meal from a dining hall for the rest of your life what would that be? Assorted mediocre legumes, including slightly frozen edamame beans, deconstructed chickpeas, and absolutely unremarkable black beans (and olives if she’s feeling particularly patriotic ;))).
Where can you usually be found on a Saturday night? Tickling the ivories (aka synthetic fibers of her viola strings) in the basement of Sulz and/or trolling at the various bars of Morningside.
Historical Hottie: Mario and Luigi.