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The Art And Craft Of Encountering A Tour Group

On Low Steps, in front of Lerner, outside Butler, in John Jay Dining Hall for God’s sake, is nothing sacred? Tour groups seem to lurk around every corner. Here’s what Bwog staff encourage you to do upon encountering them…

  • Break out in hives
  • Break down and dance
  • Start handing out mini-Bibles
  • Paint a random mother’s nails
  • Go up to one of them and hold their hand
  • Ask one where the bathroom is
  • Glare menacingly at those 14-year-old somethings that were obviously dragged to the tour by their parents
  • Say “I’ll take it from here” and give the rest of the tour
  • Ask the tour guide what their SAT score was
  • “Move, I’m gay”
  • Start speaking in tongues
  • Protest the tour
  • Really, protest the existence of a tour group in front of a tour group, picket sign and all
  • Look at them as disdainfully as possible, like there’s no way in hell these worms deserve to step onto campus, let alone think they’re worth applying
  • Shout “Happy Birthday!!” to your friend who’s the tour guide so the tour group thinks it’s their birthday when it’s not
  • Take pictures of your friend who’s the tour guide while they’re giving the tour
  • Shill for Bwog as loudly or as discretely as you’re comfortable with
  • Turn the tables, and take selfies with them
  • Flirt obnoxiously with an obviously married parent
  • Scream
  • Join the group
  • Join the group until you reach John Jay, at which point you walk past the group, swipe in, and watch as everyone stares in shock and awe

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