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Bwog, Bacchanal, And You: A Survival Guide 2019

 It’s our favorite campus holiday: Bacchanal! It’s the time of year when you shed your seasonal depression, wear shorts no matter the weather, and end your night at 3 PM only to wake up and party later. For the first years, transfers, exchange students, and any other Bacch virgins, Bacchanal is the Columbia version of fun, which is to say, Fun Lite, complete with a concert, darties, and lots and lots of drugs (which we do not endorse the usage of). Bwog presents the 2019 Bacchanal Survival Guide!

The Night Before

  • Rest up! I swear by this tip. Even if you want to sleep in, campus will not let you. Get your nine hours – it still won’t be enough. For those of you suffering from sudden colds or expected allergies, the rest is much needed anyway! Sweat it out at the Dodge sauna or take a hot shower. I suggest doing your most intensive sleep routine, i.e. slather yourself in moisturizer and serums, drink the most exquisite sparkling water, exfoliate. This is the only way to circumvent all the damage you’re about to do to your body.
  • You should familiarize yourself with the artists. Luckily for you, we’ve already compiled a playlist for you (Spotify only, sorry). Play it on shuffle before you sleep, while you sleep, and when you get up! You will have memorized at least one song by then.
  • Chill your drinks. Nobody likes warm vodka. No one, I promise you. We know you’ll be partying at 8 AM, which means by 1 PM, when the concert actually starts, your alcohol will have been warmed by both the weather (it’s predicted to be a beautiful 66 degrees tomorrow, God bless PrezBo’s weather machine) and the sheer amount of body heat that’ll be at your pregame.
  • Speaking of pregames, hide your shit! If you’re hosting, be sure to put away anything of value or fragility. If you won’t be hosting your own pregame, please remember to secure your sign in. Halloweekend 2017 was one of the worst weekends EC ever saw, though we suspect with frat closures, this will be worse.

The Morning Of

  • Suit up. We know you’ll be wearing your fanny packs, your body glitter, those chunky sneakers y’all think are cute for whatever reason, but be reasonable! Fanny packs will be checked before you enter the pens and body glitter will need time to set. Luckily for you, no frats can legally throw, so you don’t have to worry about your clunky Fila sneaks getting destroyed there, but you might want to reconsider the shoes you wear in the pen.
  • If you want a bagel, eat a bagel. Bagels will be supplied in most, if not all, dorms. Theyr’e pretty standard and generally enough. Be sure to eat a real meal sometime during the day though.
  • Be sure to pick up your wristband at the designated stations between 10:30 and 1. Barnard and GS can pick them up at Dodge Plaza and CC and SEAS can pick up from Hamilton or the Wien Courtyard. Lines will be long, so bring something entertaining to do.
  • Make an appearance at the many pregames you were invited to. Nothing makes me feel more popular than clicking “Going” on private Facebook invites to pregames, knowing I can only show up for 10 or so minutes.

The Main Event

  • Don’t experiment. This is one of my favorite Bacchanal laws from previous years. Bwog does not endorse drug use, but we do support a good time. Don’t have a 14 hour trip for a 4 hour event. Bwog loves a good time, sometimes an unsafe time, but don’t get yourself wrapped up into a really unsafe time. CAVA will be running on foot today, so please feel bad for them and pace yourselves.
  • Decide whether you’ll be on the lawns or in the pens. Lawns give you a lot more mobility, whereas you may fall under the scrutiny of Public Safety if you enter the pen. If you’re planning on being in the pens, they hold around ~600 people, according to the Bacchanal Committee, so get there early if you want to see Tierra Whack up close and personal. People who were in the front of the pens last year were blessed by Ty Dolla Sign’s soft, soft hands.
  • Don’t be a dick! Stop with the elbowing, the shoving, the fighting. In my single year of attending Bacchanal, I witnessed two fights and a guy fully throwing a girl’s phone out of the pen and breaking it. Truly outrageous shit. We know you’re excited for SOPHIE, but please be on your best behavior.
  • Do drink water. There will be snack and water stations posted around for you to keep hydrated and functioning.

The Post Game

  • Knock out. 

Please remember to have a good, safe, hydrated time. Bacchanal is supposed to be the party of the year, not for you to embarrassingly crash at 11 AM and not see the artists. CAVA’s number is (212) 854-5555. Use it.

The strongest among us may be seen at the afterparties or at bars, but if you’re smart, you’ll rest up and wake up tomorrow. In which case, get some JJ’s and stop pretending you’ll get work done.

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