The Columbia Class of 2023 Group Chat Is Fucking Weird

In the spirit of tradition, a Bwogger by the name of [redacted] goes undercover in Columbia’s class of 2023 group chat to see what the youths are up to.

I remember barely a year ago being swept into the craziness of receiving my Columbia admissions letter. Part of that craziness involved me joining my class’s giant, 500-person group chat. Back in the day, in 2018, I thought to myself this is a weird fucking group chat. Yet, somehow, I think the incoming freshman class is even weirder.

It started off with lots of questions.

: I’m actually not sure.

: We have that?

: White and gold.

: I’m sorry…

: This is so cute.

: Seems off topic, but ok i guess! Still not that weird…

After a while, I realized people in this group chat straight up do not know what Columbia is.

There are literally people from other schools in this group.

: Why would you do this to yourself?

They also don’t know about cities.

: Some confusion…

: Like. They really don’t know.

: They made a point though!

People had some cute stories to share from high school!

: I miss public school.

: These two conversations happening at the same time are chaotic.

: You’ve got a big storm coming…

…and some advice.

: Thanks!

Some people even thought they were going to be rescinded.

: This is what my google search history looked like last April.

: You ever just slightly edit your school’s Wikipedia page and get kicked out of college?

It turned wholesome when people started sharing pictures of their dogs.

: I’m gonna cry.

: So cute!

Which of course prompted discussion about rats.

: Good advice.

: I’ve been too afraid to ask this…

: It’s absolutely their fault.

: I don’t know what this means.

: …yeah!

And also brought to my attention someone named “Ask Me About My Counter-Capitalist Propaganda.”

: You’ve caught my attention.

: I- yes.

Which made me realize there’s also a fucking robot.

: There’s a literal robot in this group chat.

And what does it do? This:

: I’m terrified.

: Just popping in!

: Why is there a pregnant stomach behind the quote? I’m losing my mind.

: There are no words.

There’s so much more, but this documentation is already ridiculously wrong. So I’m just going to leave you with some of my favorite chats from the class of 2023 Groupme!