Get yours in before you leave campus, with zero consequences!
Look. Columbia has a hook up culture. We all know it. I’m a #empowered woman and I’m not afraid to admit it! But usually the small acreage of Columbia’s campus combined with the hellishness of life on this earth means that every joyous moment of sexual congress is immediately followed by one of embarrassment. You get stuck in a Carman elevator with someone you’ve known carnally. You run into them hungover and oily in the Ferris omelet line. You accidentally sit next to them in Ref. They switch into your MusicHum class. Things just get #weird – maybe it complicates your friendship, or just makes your whole life annoying. Even worse, maybe one of you catches feelings and you have to TALK about it.
But there’s a special way to escape those ramifications. It’s called: THE GOODBYE TOUR. Aka it’s when you hook up with a bunch of people in the frantic few weeks before everyone leaves campus. You hit it and quit it and then LEAVE for the summer, giving no time and / or space for any awkward occurrences.
Friends and family, now’s the time to release your inhibitions, feel the rain on your skin, etc. Slide into the DMs of that cute girl from your NSOP group. Text that guy you made out with once in the McBain stairwell. You are officially free from any emotional responsibilities or consequences.* If they try to define the relationship you can literally just leave the country! You are freeeeeeeee!!!!
Alternate names for this phenomenon: “Fuck and Run” (by Liz Phair), wham bam thank you ma’am (a la David Bowie), Escape From New York (1981), etc etc. Comment your own experiences below.
*note this is a JOKE please be nice to each other
Image of the author via Wikimedia.