Yeah, sure, there are a lot of sucky things about what we fondly call “shopping period” – adding yourself to 257-people waitlists, attending seven classes in two days, and all the while experiencing a profound existential crisis. Yet at the same time, there are a lot of great parts too. Namely, all the funny, sweet, inspiring, and real things our professors say. Here are the opening remarks for Fall 2019.

John McWhorter, Intro Linguistics: [About where to find him] “The office, unfortunately, is in hell.”

Ibrahim El Houdaiby, Cannabis and Culture: “When I proposed this class to my department, I wanted to bring in real hashish, but they wouldn’t let me!”

Stephanie McCurry, Civil War and Reconstruction: [Pointing to a photo of the Constitutional Convention] “And here they are! All the ‘bros’ that get to decide the constitution. You can’t really feel too good about that.”

Matthew Vaz, Politics and Crime of Policing in the United States: “I’m just a guy having a hard day dragging his ass through teaching.”

Robert Paul Wolff, Mystifications of Social Reality: “A student asked if I was coming to a protest. I asked if there was any chance of getting arrested. She said, ‘Yes,’ so I said, ‘Okay. I’ll go.’”

Madeline Schwartzman, Architectural Representation: Abstraction: “Swiss cheese is very popular in architecture.”

Rashid Khalidi, History of Modern Middle East: “White man bad.”

David Lurie, World Philology: “This class is… [sigh] at the top of the low-tech Stairmaster called Hamilton Hall.”

Daniella Wurst, Intermediate Spanish I: “I have this compulsion where I have to say Hi to every dog I see on the street.”

Hami Boi via Bwog Archives a.k.a. Bwarchives