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Breaking News: Big Sub Currently Being Blown Away By Severe Gusts

Bwogger Andrew Chee is live on the scene in Futter Field, where extreme wind speeds are dismantling the Big Sub. Details of this story may change as it develops.

On perhaps the worst day of October to host Big Sub (besides the torrential downpour of yesterday), bewildered students and faculty alike are stricken with horror as the annual Barnard tradition goes up in flames (or wind). Despite the howling winds continuing from the night before, Barnard McAC decided to proceed with laying out hundreds of feet of delicate little bread slices unprotected. The fierce winds have picked up segments of the sandwich and thrown them through the air.

The present scene is that of mass chaos. It’s completely a blur; students are jumping up onto tables and climbing up walls to catch pieces of the sandwich in mid-air. The lawns and walkway are littered with turkey and tomatoes, but neither vicious gales nor oil spills are stopping the unruly students from peeling the food off the floor and eating it. Mustard is smeared down the side of the Diana Center. Altschul is being pummeled with lettuce. Having the sub cover the entirety of Barnard’s campus has been taken to a whole new level.

“There’s bologna on my face and lettuce keeps blowing into my mouth! I can hardly breathe!” cried out Johnson Jay, CC ’64 in horror.

“This is our one chance for school spirit this semester! I’m not going to let some wind ruin it for me!” yelled Jackson Gyllenhaal, CC ’02, apparently unaware that Barnard does, in fact, have school spirit and that Big Sub is a Barnard event and not a Columbia event.

Meanwhile, Public Safety and Facilities are struggling to hold down the remaining pieces of sub to the tables, but are ultimately being overpowered by the force of nature.

Reports are stating that a flying piece of the sub is visible all the way from PrezBo’s Manhattanville empire.

Stay tuned as we continue to receive live updates from the area.

bye bye big sub via Bwog staff

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