I guess balcony seating and made-to-order food lines just weren’t bougie enough for #TeamFerris, because guess which dining hall just got a brand-spankin-new Nescafe machine? Yup, that’s right. Coming to you straight from a first-year’s dorm coffee machine that they will only use twice this semester, it’s CoffeeHop: Ferris edition!!!
Disclaimer: This Ferris machine has a lot of different coffee options, so I had to either spread the reviewing across several days (not scientific enough) or test how much caffeine my body could physically handle in a 30-minute binge-drinking taste-testing period. You can guess which one I went with.
Espresso: Sure, tell me more about how culturally-enlightening your study abroad in Italy was while you chug that “espresso” out of your cardboard cup. In a rush? Sure, efficiency is key, but this espresso was watery and took longer to dispense than regular drip coffee. Bitter, metallic, and really not meant to be savored. Overall 3/5.
Cappuccino: Pretty good, milk was well-frothed, temperature not too hot. No sugar control, so it came out overly sweet, 4/5. Good mouth-feel.
Latte: Lots of milk in this bad boy. If you’re lactose-intolerant, maybe avoid it. Or don’t, if you still believe that you can train your body to process milk normally. 3.5/5.
Mocha: In the words of my roommate, who “accidentally” hit this option once, “it is disgusting. Quite possibly the worst rendition of ‘coffee’ that godless machine has ever created”. He also stated that the only way to make something like this marginally drinkable is to put two Ferris mints in the cup for a “peppermint mocha”. Try it out if you’re looking to skip right past Halloween and Thanksgiving to the holiday season. Mocha: 2/5. Peppermint Mocha: 3/5.
Drip coffee: I’m not really sure why…There’s like drip coffee right next to…If you ever use this option I hope the people waiting behind you force you to chug the entire cup while they watch. Didn’t try this one by principle but it deserves a 0/5 because there’s no reason to be using the Nescafe for drip coffee.
Vanilla Cappuccino: Tastes like your typical gas station vanilla-cap, but there’s something about it that makes it hit different. Perfect froth ratio, medium sweetness, a full guilty pleasure. 5/5.
Hot water: Delicious. Tons of flavor. Must try.
Hot Chocolate: Honestly taste kinda like Swiss Miss, feel free to disagree. Not a big fan of water-based hot chocolate #milkgang #nomilkshaming. 2/5.
Overall: A welcome addition to the dining hall coffee rotation. Honestly a hit-or-miss depending on which option you go for, but the vanilla cap and regular cap really redeemed this machine. Looking forward to its inevitable breakdown.