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Cooking With Bwog: Pizza Eggs

Although the name of this delicious and nutritious snack is pretty self-explanatory, Bwogger Sam Losee writes down the recipe anyway, furthering her mission to spread the joy of pizza eggs with everyone she knows.

Ok, I know this dish doesn’t look the most beautiful and kind of sounds like kind of a gross combination, but trust me, Pizza Eggs will change your life. I originally found this recipe in a youtube video about food you can make with the remains of food purchased while inebriated. Why I was watching this as a very sober sixteen-year-old, I have no idea, but I’m so glad I did, because since then, this has been my signature food (aka one of the only things I know how to make). This is the easiest recipe of all time, so if you’re like me and can barely make toast, this is the dish for you!

As you may have guessed, you only need two ingredients: pizza and eggs. I would discourage chefs from using a giant Koronet’s slice because they are more annoying to work with, but really any thin-crust pizza will do. For every normal-sized slice you are making, you will need two large eggs, or more if you, like, really love eggs. The only tools you will need are a pan, knife, fork, plate, mug/small bowl, and stove-top. The total cook time is less than ten minutes, so time it right and you can make and devour your pizza eggs before your laundry needs to be moved to the dryer.

  1. Cut your pizza into smallish bite sized pieces. If you don’t have a very good knife like me, this will require some real upper body and finger strength, so make sure to take rests when appropriate and stay hydrated. The crust can just be torn with your fingers, and if you don’t eat the crust, shame on you; put it in there anyway.
  2. Eat a bunch of the pizza squares you just cut up because chopping pizza is hungry work. Wipe away the sweat.
  3. Slide the remaining pizza chunks into your pan, and turn your burner on high. You will not need anything to grease the pan because pizza is so damn greasy.
  4. Eat another pizza square or two.
  5. Mix your pizza around as it’s heating up, making sure all cheese bites are gooey and all crust bits are toasty. While this is happening, crack your eggs into your mug/small bowl and scramble them up.
  6. Pick the eggshells out.
  7. Almost step on the kitchen mouse; deny him pizza and eggs. Tell him to try downstairs.
  8. PIZZA + EGGS –> PIZZA EGGS! Once your pizza is heated to your liking, pour the eggs over them into the pan and scramble everything together. Make sure all of the eggy pizza pieces get thoroughly cooked or else your pizza eggs will just taste kinda wet. This may require taking out egg-only parts first so they don’t get gross or burn.
  9. Once your pizza and eggs are nice ‘n’ scrambled, turn off the stove and pour your beautiful, messy, glorious pizza eggs onto a plate. Pizza eggs are best served immediately so inhale those delightfully eggy pizza chunks with reckless abandon!

Now that you have successfully made pizza eggs (it’s really hard to mess these up, trust me), share the joy with all of your friends! They may be hesitant at first, or go so far as to call this “an insult to New York City pizza,” but know in your heart that they are simply Pizza Egg converts waiting to happen.

Pizza Eggs via Sam Losee

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