You’ve heard of Hot Girl Summer. Now EIC Jenny and the love of her life, Julia, bring you – Columbia Person Autumn.
Summer 2019 was defined by many things: overpriced Aperol Spritzes on rooftop bars, UWS power outages that almost convinced us Jesus’s second coming had finally hit, the inexorably sweet release of having to only wait 11 minutes (rather than the usual 42) for the L train, but perhaps most notably, the term “Hot Girl Summer.”
First championed by Original Hot Girl and iconic rapper Megan Thee Stallion, Hot Girl Summer was a phrase used to define being hot and doing hot things while it was hot outside. “It’s about women and men being unapologetically them, just having a good-ass time, hyping up their friends, doing you…Be a person who can be the life of the party and just a bad bitch,” Megan told the Root.
But what happens to Hot Girl Summer now that summer has officially ended, you ask? Introducing Hot Girl Summer’s slightly duller, more routine older sibling, who works a 9-to-5 desk job in Midtown East: “Columbia Person Autumn.”
Let’s be clear here. Columbia Person Autumn is NOT Hot Girl Semester, you see. Hot Girl Semester is all about the transfer of the principles of Hot Girl Summer to school — Look Hot and Do Hot in your classes, internships, extracurriculars, etc while maintaining a Hot social life. No, the ethos of Columbia Person Autumn is far different, far more ordinary.
Like its precursor movements, Columbia Person Autumn manifests itself in many forms.
The temperature is the same outside as it is in Milstein. This is Columbia Person Autumn.
As you trek through the rain from 110th to your 7 PM recitation in Knox Hall, you non-ironically consider starting an Uber carpool group with your classmates. This is Columbia Person Autumn.
Packages sit in the mailroom for days, because the hours are back to normal and your collection of “[Wien Mail Center] New Mail Alert” emails have been long buried under frantic exchanges with your TA about your upcoming research essay. This is Columbia Person Autumn.
Tempted by the browning leaves and cold winds, you fill a paper cup with dining hall hot chocolate. It’s no gourmet beverage, but it fills its base purpose of keeping you warm. Alas, what did you expect? This is Columbia Person Autumn.
Gone are the Aperol Spritzes on rooftop bars and the tiny shirts you wore while drinking them. Columbia Person Autumn is all about trying your best with whatever happens to be on the drink table at that EC party, wearing a sheer turtleneck, and shivering all the way back to your dorm because all turtlenecks were not created equal. If Hot Girl Summer is a Megan Thee Stallion hit song with features by Nicki Minaj and Ty Dolla $ign, Columbia Person Autumn would perhaps be best encapsulated by the soundtrack “Lofi hip hop radio – beats to relax/study to.”
Maybe you don’t like the sound of Columbia Person Autumn. But honestly, we should lean into the concept! If we just embraced the puzzle-like magic of fitting twelve people in the Hamilton elevator and the idea that getting three servings of JJ’s mozzarella sticks at 3 pm is now socially acceptable, we might be better for it. Let’s just send it – we’re ordering Columbia Person Autumn t-shirts.
WordArt via Bwogger
Photo via Google