An anonymous staff writer found his way into the NYU Class of 2023 GroupMe chat this summer as a result of mere happenstance. After flooding the chat with memes for a while, he was overcome by impulse and committed a crime of passion: removing everyone from the chat.
I didn’t initially set out to destroy the NYU Class of 2023 GroupMe.
Hell, I didn’t even initially seek to infiltrate it in the first place.
Sometimes, though, you just end up somewhere. Sometimes, you’re just a product of circumstance, not a human being with free will. Life takes you places without letting you know beforehand.
That’s precisely what happened to me in July.
You see, a friend’s sibling was somehow added to a GroupMe chat made by and for members of New York University’s incoming freshman class, the Class of 2023. She was not a member of this class (she doesn’t even graduate from high school until 2021) and I am not quite sure how we made her way into the chat. That’s part of the tacit code among people like us, though: We don’t disclose any more information than we absolutely need to.
Eventually, she added her brother, and eventually, her brother added me. Before we joined, the group apparently degenerated into a dank meme stash of sorts, where conversation had been entirely replaced by shitposting. Being somethingof a shitposter myself, I happily joined in. I greeted my new friends with a hearty “my name jeff” and went right in.
I went and posted multiple memes, some danker than others. Unfortunately, though, I received a bit of backlash for “derailing” the chat. Soon enough, I was removed from the chat by a character named “Jax,” who accused me of trying to be “funny.” I was left powerless. And I was left seeking vengeance.
My friend, witnessing this great injustice, added me back promptly. I went to kick Jax from the chat, but noticed that a fellow named “Josh” had already done so. Josh then sacrificed himself for us, leaving the chat voluntarily after serving his purpose. It was a truly noble and inspiring move.
Jax ended up finding his way back in, but I was quick enough to remove him. This was not the last I saw of Jax. He made his way into the chat again, but again I removed him.
Now, I went and changed my name to a name used by a shitposting page on Facebook. (I will not reveal the name here, as I don’t want anyone to be upset by the use of a brand that wasn’t mine to use.) I began dumping memes freely without fear of retribution, but people soon tired of my antics and began fleeing the chat. I was terribly offended, despite knowing very well that I had totally hijacked a chat meant for students who wanted to know what classes their peers were planning on taking and hoping to find out where to get the best falafel near campus.
And I snapped.
I didn’t mean to create total chaos at first. When I first started removing people from the chat, I wasn’t doing so arbitrarily. I could see who had turned off notifications for the chat, so my friend and I first removed them. These people wouldn’t immediately be disturbed by their removals. Besides, they weren’t even participating in the chat, so nobody would really miss their absence.
When we finished doing this, though, we realized we couldn’t stop. He started from the beginning of the alphabet, working his way down, and I began at the end, working my way up… and after about five minutes, we met somewhere in the L-M-N area, having scrapped everyone except ourselves and the moderator.
While we were having (too much) fun, we destroyed the NYU Class of 2023 GroupMe.
At this point, my friend and I left, leaving only the moderator, probably some poor upperclassman who had been chosen to supervise the chat.
We committed a crime of passion. It wasn’t premeditated. It just happened.
I apologize for destroying a community of young adults hoping to get to know one another before spending four years together. I apologize for losing my head over something as ridiculous as people not taking kindly to me hijacking a chat to share memes.
But I will never apologize for acting as a vigilante for Columbia, dealing a serious blow to a main rival just because I could.
(Of course, that wasn’t how I justified things to myself when I did this, but a little ex post facto rationalization never hurt nobody.)
Note: I recently rejoined the chat to check in on the group. Two folks had rejoined, and one new person had come in. The only message sent since my initial departure was somebody advertising an essay-writing service.
Naturally, I deleted those three members before leaving again.
“Campus” (as if NYU has one lmao) photo via GIS RRHS
GroupMe screenshots via yours truly
@Anonymous It sounds like you have way too much time on your hands. I don’t really see what you accomplished. I understand you may be jealous of NYU (current NYU Grad student here), but maybe you should harness that energy into doing something good.
@Anonymous Oh come off it, guy. I’m an NYU undergrad and this is hilarious.
@Anonymous Of course, a Columbia student being jealous of an NYU student, makes sense /s
@Anonymous you have to go back
@Anonymous As an nyu alum, you are a hero, not one we need but one we deserve.
@Who cares This is a giant shitpost in itself lmao
@Anonymous this is the literal definition of chaotic evil
@Anonymous chaotic good*
@Anonymous this article made my day–haven’t laughed this hard in a long time