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Grocery Hop: Morton Williams

If you’re a Columbia student, we can basically guarantee you’ve been to Morton Williams at some point. Maybe you went at some ungodly hour for the snack you crave, on the way to a party to grab mixers, or at a normal time for normal grocery shopping (but probably not this last one).

Here, Bwog compiles our experiences within our beloved MoWilly for you to find inspiration from, cringe at, and relate to.

 

Ah, our dearest MoWillie.

Morton Williams is the grocery store solely for Columbia students as it caters its hours to the lively hours of students: 24/7. Students only have chaotic times here especially as the New York night takes over. From catering your campus event to catering your “event” they got you. The cashiers put up with us at our oddest hours, it’s time to appreciate them. 


Celebrating first experiences as a first-year at Morton Williams:

“Coming from suburbia to a city, I was always told by my mother that going to a grocery store late at night is dangerous. Of course, as a first-year, the first time I go is at midnight before a psychology exam. My roommate and I had the same exam the next day, so we decide getting ice cream to share and two cups of edible cookie dough was the move. It was of course, delicious.”

Horror:

“The scene was set to be blurry. A woman and her dog, my friend, and I all surround the expensive water in glass bottles. All three of us move and no one knows who knocks this large glass bottle of water six feet down to the ground. Shattering, while nearly falling on me, we jump out of the way of the glass. The woman blames it on her dog, but the three of us knew the real culprit, me.”

Pay for things you break, kids.

The good:

“I only go to Morton Williams for dessert.” 

“I only go to Morton Williams from 12am-3am.”

The bad:

“Morton Williams is the closest open place nearest the Barnard quad of dorms. I walked there when I felt nauseous and knew I had to get some food in me. I go there hoping to find something I can grab for $5, but the closest was a simple sandwich for $8. I was desperate. I gave in.”

The chaotic:

“Once I was having a lowkey breakdown, so I forced my friend to come out with me to buy a babka at 12am. I was wearing a sweatshirt and tiny PJ shorts and it was 40° out. The babka was like 9 bucks so I didn’t buy it :-/”

“I walked in, skipped one register because that creepy dude who only works nights was there but had a sign saying he was closed. The lady ahead of me goes to the open register, goes through… and then the other cashier puts up the sign and the line starts piling up.”

“Once when I was really drunk I saw a tube of that pillsbury croissant dough that had burst open and so the dough was just just coming out and I took a scoop and ate it.”
“Last Saturday me & my suitemate got blackout drunk and went to MoWill, chaperoned by my suitemate’s fuck buddy. We thought for some reason that we needed more alcohol so we bought a 6 pack of beer (Laguinitas IPA – apparently I chose) and my suitemate stole two pound cakes even though he is vegan and those pound cakes were not. Also they were gross.”
Some Bwoggers shop traditionally at MoWillie:

“Spent $16 on Oreos, Nutella, and water somehow.”

Snacks are expensive; the elitism of MoWillie parallels Barnumbia.

And some Bwoggers shop until they drop:

“Once when I was really high I bought one of those tubs of edible cookie dough for like $12, ate half and threw up, and posted the rest on buy sell trade [Barnard community thrifting] (for free obviously, someone picked it up the next morning)”

I don’t know who Morton is or who Williams is, but in the spirit of thanking folks, I am grateful for them.
Header via Pixabay

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