Staff Writers Eliza Staples and Aditi Misra present a curated guide for the meal that even dining halls can’t mess up: ice.

First up, we have JJ‘s ice. Note:  Aditi had already mentally deducted points from JJ’s ice since they have been out of it too many of the times she’s been there. Nevertheless, we arrived at JJ’s as our first stop on what can only be described as Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, but for ice.

This ice has a smooth surface. It is in the shapes of wide round cylinders that are of varying thicknesses and sizes. It has a good, clean crunch to it. As Eliza said, “This is the kind of ice you make ice ASMR with.” Despite its original signs of promise, this ice failed to really stun the reviewers. The irregularity of thickness made it a challenge to eat. As an ice-eater, it was impossible to anticipate the quality of each piece of ice — you didn’t know if you were going to crack a tooth with each bite.

The next participating dining hall was Hewitt. Neither reviewer had consumed Hewitt ice recently, although Eliza looked back fondly on the fall days where they had iced coffee (bring it back!).

This ice was in a more conventional cube shape, with a hole in each piece. This hole is key: it makes the ice a little easier to crunch, but the crunch is no less satisfying for it. This is a good beginner’s ice if you are just starting out in the ice-eating game. The individual pieces are small, so you are never overwhelmed by what often feels like a mouthful of bricks. This is the ice rappers have been talking about all this time.

The Tour De Ice next stopped in Ferris. The ice here comes from the same Coca Cola freestyle machines as they have in John Jay and JJ’s. Surprisingly, the ice dispenser was in fine working order. JJ’s could learn a lot from Ferris.

It turns out that the Ferris ice was just as disappointing as its JJ’s brethren. It was too unwieldy, too weirdly-shaped, too thick to provide a good ice experience. Don’t bother with the Ferris ice.

Finally, John Jay closed out this edition of 2girls1snack. John Jay ice’s reputation had preceded it, and the reviewers had heard glowing praise all around. However, did it bear up in reality?

This ice goes above and beyond. It’s shaped like narrow cylinders with rough surfaces, and occasionally there are smaller pieces of ground ice. It has the perfect gravelly crunch. This ice would probably send you the answers to your p-set and switch your laundry for you if you asked it to do that. This is the perfect ice.

Hewitt ice via 2girls