If you’re reading this, it’s probably because this has already happened to you. Statistically, 99.9% of students have had this happen to them. I don’t know what it is with Barnard/Columbia students that makes them so obnoxiously self-absorbed that they literally will invade your personal space just to fucking fix their hair in class.
I’m not sure I remember the first time this has happened to me. But the earliest time I remember was when I was in psychology lab last fall. You had long, brown hair with light brown highlights, and zero regard for the people around you. I was trying my hardest to listen in class, taking notes and browsing Aritzia’s sale. You sensed something wrong with your hair and decided to run your hands through it. I was still focusing on adding every desirable item into my shopping cart, so I was not paying attention to you. Before I knew what was happening, your long, brown, slightly wavy locks pour onto my computer screen. They cover the picture of the blouse that I was debating whether I NEED or just want. You move your head around and your locks move with you, wiping my computer screen like a cloth cleaning a table. My first thought was this: when was the last time you washed your hair? Not that it looked dirty, but your hair is literally on my computer screen and thus a foot away from me. Not that I wash my computer screen, so it didn’t even matter. My second thought was this: who do you think you are?? Do you literally have no regard for the tiny cramped space of a Milbank classroom or the people around you? I get it, nobody in this class has enough personal space, but how do you think everyone else is dealing with it?
That was the first time I registered this occurence in my memory, but it was only the beginning. This is one of the biggest things that makes me dread having class in Milbank. I literally plan my schedule around classes in Milbank, but since so many departments are in there, classes there are basically unavoidable. I always try to sit in the back of the room, preferably with a seat in front of me that is empty. I have done everything in my power to avoid this atrocious occurrence. Yet here we are again.
Let me set the scene. It’s around 10:45 am and I am in a psychology class (God, what is it with those psychology classes??). This class is highly desirable so every single seat in this tiny Milbank classroom is filled. You can smell the sweet scent of sweat and coffee in the air. I’m actually listening and taking notes this time, because I am now a wiser student and I know how important it is to pay attention in class. I mean seriously, it’s a 10:10, and I’m actually in class. (Ok, fine, I do occasionally switch my screen over to text my friend). You have short, black hair, and apparently also zero regard for the people around you. Things are going well because you are actually taking notes and when I do miss something the professor says, I lean over and write down what you’re writing. This is the classic commensalism relationship in symbiosis- I’m copying your notes occasionally, you have no idea and you are not harmed. I like relationships like this. But then it happens. Your hair tickles the top of my screen. It’s not long enough to cover my entire screen, only about a third of it. I growl in disgust and audibly move my computer back. You turn around and apologize but it’s not enough. I think to myself, I am going to write a Bwog post about you, and here I am.
If you have had a class in Milbank, I’m sure you’re familiar with this phenomenon. It’s what I call the Rude-Bitch-Flips-Hair-On-My-Screen disease. Yes, I said disease. And it’s a disease just a common and annoying as a common cold, if not more annoying.
Here’s what I don’t understand. We all are in Milbank. A lot of us have long hair. Why are only some people terrible? I get that they don’t teach you basic human respect during NSOP, but I had always assumed that’s something you learned in your childhood… am I wrong? It’s basically a written fact that Milbank is really crowded and has tiny chair-tables. Everyone else just deals with it!! And here’s the part that angers me the most: you probably don’t even know what you did. The second person I encountered might’ve because I was a total drama queen about it, but the first person definitely did not. I guess the moral of this story is this: next time you’re in a class in Milbank, please be mindful because you could be unknowingly ruining somebody else’s day. I didn’t ask for you to put your grimy hair onto my screen and disrupt my education. Nobody did. So don’t do it. Next time you do it, I will literally bring scissors to class and cut your hair off.
If you have any similar experiences in which someone disrespects your space by fucking flipping hair onto your computer screen and you would like to share, please email them to email@example.com. We aren’t going to do anything at all with them but we would love to read them.
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