Things that you should be doing in Milstein: studying. Things that you should not be doing in Milstein: the following.

Ah, Milstein. Filled with natural light, modern study rooms, and an endless supply of Peet’s coffee, it’s the perfect library for anyone and everyone. But should everyone use it? I think not, especially if they don’t respect our dear friend Mil and her attendants.

The following is a list of people that do not deserve to use Milstein:

  • People that make out in the study rooms, particularly on the second floor where everyone else has a clear view
  • People that leave a singular folder on the second-floor desks and come back hours later to claim “their space”
  • Really anyone who reserves a desk and goes on an adventure to Starbucks, Ferris, or any other endeavor that takes more than 25 minutes
  • People that congregate in groups on the window-side of the second floor, and, right when I snuggle into a nice green chair with a book, decide to SCREAM bloody murder
  • People that sit in the third-floor study room cubicles and have the audacity to cough without covering their cough with their elbow
  • People from CC (not including SEAS or GS because the former is rarely present and the latter I am chill with), that shit-talk “those Barnard women,” and then use our library as their own personal playground because “Buttler” is too scary
  • Individuals that dare sit next to me while I have my legs outstretched on a nice grey bench (can I please get some solitude?)
  • Everyone that uses the women’s bathroom on the second floor (Clean up after yourselves! We’ve been over this before!)
  • People that use the computer areas as desks when they have a laptop and THEN try to discuss “economic privilege” with you to seem edgy and different
  • People that leave their food waste and trash on their desks when they leave and later state that it’s “facilities’ job to clean it up.” Yes, this exists.
  • The guy who decided to scream aggressively at the nice lady who works at the circulation desk, because it was such an “inconvenience” that he couldn’t return a book from a Columbia library at the only Barnard library. Seriously, fuck off. Who raised you? May-I-speak-to-the-manager Molly?

In short, please respect our library and its inhabitants. I’m not going to say “get thee to fuck off” if you’re not from Barnard, because I believe that Milstein should be a place for everyone. And by everyone, I mean everyone that uses it responsibly. Barnard students, you are not exempt from this list of grievances. Respect property, respect privacy, and if you dare scream at someone for doing their damn job, know that I think you’re a little spoiled asshat and we are not going to be friends. That’s all. :)